That's according to the American Psychological Association. Mild depression affects even more. If you suffer from depression, you may struggle with the notion of sharing your life with a partner and wonder whether it's even fair to date someone and impose your "baggage" on them.
Everyone Has Baggage
It may be a criminal record, a serious health problem, a recurring anxiety or paranoia, a dysfunctional family dynamic or a past credit problem. We're all flawed creatures trying to make our way as best we can in the world. And, when you get close to someone, you'll want to disclose these truths to them. In fact, sharing your secrets with someone is part of building trust and -- ultimately -- a healthy relationship.
Depression is a serious illness but it's a treatable one, and it doesn't mean that all your potentially great relationships are doomed. "It is absolutely possible for two people to have a relationship when one of them lives with depression," says Heather Cobb, spokesperson for the
National Mental Health Association (NMHA). "Most people who seek treatment do get better."
Shouldn't I Be Up Front?
Would you start a first date by telling the potential lover about all of the past unhappiness and struggles you've experienced in life up until now? "Hi. I'm Kelly. I have no credit rating, my last boyfriend is in prison, and I just got over a wicked addiction to meth." Check, please!
Yeah, it's better to reveal information gradually as we build relationships, much like peeling back an onion. Telling a partner about a diagnosis of depression is no different. And waiting until the moment is right doesn't mean you're conniving. It means you're considerate and careful.
When Should I Tell?
The time to tell someone about your depression is either when your condition gets in the way of the relationship or the partnership starts to become serious. So, if you get knocked on your ass by depression and have to cancel a Friday night date, tell him or her what's going on. But do it in person, not via email or over the phone, as this lets them know that you are serious about the relationship. Equally, if you are shacking up or getting married, best to come clean about the depression, even if you haven't experienced any bouts since you started dating, as there may be times when your partner will need to stand by and support you, and they have a right to know what they are signing up for.
Be Honest
Once your partner is aware that you suffer from depression, don't try to hide it. This will only lead to misunderstanding and hostility. Twenty-three-year-old Jason dated a depressed woman for two years. "I think for most people, it's not depression per se that turns someone off. It's the effects of it. For example, in a relationship, I need and want that companionship and that feeling of being wanted/desired by the other person. However, when she retreated back into the depths of her depression, it also caused her to excise me and I felt like trust was lost and that she didn't care about me anymore and I couldn't deal with that emotionally."
