If you do open up about your depression and let your partner help you in whatever way they can, it may actually strengthen your relationship in the long term. Thirty-three-year-old Susan is married to someone who suffers from ongoing depression. "Actually, interpersonal relationships -- real, healthy ones marked by trust and intimacy -- are probably the most powerful buffer against depression. You should definitely try to find someone. You may even find someone who's been depressed themselves… it's not that uncommon, you know." Psychotherapist Dr. Samuel Gerstein, author of Living Your Dreams: Doctor's Orders, agrees but with a caution. "Don't date for the purpose of overcoming depression, but developing intimate relationships may help overcome depression.

 

"Trust me, there are people out there who I have no interest in dating," says 40-year-old Mark. "Self-assured people who know what they want, who do not carry a lot of baggage, who have a positive outlook on life, etc. It's all so oppressively fake." Some people don't want to marry the high school cheerleader, pop out a few kids and then live happily ever after. They know that life is messy and that people are messier. And the truth is that the messiest are often the most interesting.

 

Or, as 23-year-old Bindi puts it, "Tangentially, I would have nothing to do with the sort of person who has a laundry list on their personal ad that includes things like 'confident, self-assured people who know what they want, who do not carry a lot of baggage.' That's a person looking for a low-maintenance thing to fill a slot, as if shopping for a car, rather than an organic mesh of two people. Good luck making a connection with that kind of wanker. I'll take depressed to oblivious any day."

 

Dating with depression isn't easy. It can certainly create challenges in your relationship, but so can any number of quirks, illnesses or wonky personal histories. "We're all unique," says Dr. Gerstein, "and someone out there will be attracted to that uniqueness, so long as you be yourself." The bottom line is that it is entirely fair to play the dating game if you suffer from depression. Let someone fall in love with the unique person that is you, and share of yourself. Ultimately, you will both figure out if it doesn't work -- for depression or any number of other reasons. And, like any other relationship, it's better to say goodbye if you can't overcome your problems. "Staying in an unfulfilling relationship will not help a person with depression feel better," says Cobb. "It's best to be honest, even when it may be time to call it quits."