Because many women these days are fed up with the pool of men out there, and resigned to doing without rather than settling, men have to work harder to catch the women of their dreams.
"It used to be that you just needed to land a woman. Now we live with someone for five years before we drop to one knee, you sleep with someone first before we decide if you want to be in a relationship because you don't want to waste all that time only to find out they aren't any good in the sack," he says. "So your skill set needs to be more vast in order to market yourself as a suitor."
According to Tesauro, a modern gentleman needs to know how to handle himself around food, wine and spirits because this is such a big part of the dating world. He should have the confidence to order a drink for a lady without it being sexist (no ordering Fuzzy Navels; instead, thoughtful drinks that she likes and that match her personality), expect his date to be smart, and not be afraid of taking a leading role in the dance of courtship. "You know in dancing someone's got to take the lead and do the dipping, right? It's historically the boy, so don't be afraid to step up," he says.
Sexist or Sexy?
Tesauro says that he doesn't "run into too many women complaining anymore that their men are too hard. I'm hearing that they are too soft and they are playing it too safe. Let's not be feckless just because we are trying to be politically correct. Let's still be men."
He doesn't see kind, thoughtful or considerate actions as being sexist. "If it's a courtesy that you would show a friend, cousin or business colleague then it's probably going to fly with her," he advises.
There are, of course, women who don't respond to men taking the lead, and Tesauro says that this is because they are so caught up in a gender power play that they suspect gentlemanly men of being fake.
Pretty quick into the rendezvous you're going to find out if this is the way your date is taking your actions, and if they aren't being appreciated, perhaps she just isn't the girl for you (you need to find a lady who thinks manly men with manners are hot).
There is no way that Jo Greene considers herself as anything less than her husband's equal, but there are old-fashioned ways he treats her that make her melt. "I like my husband to be getting me drinks when we are out, even if the money is from our joint account," says Greene, who resides in Hamilton, ON. "He knows that I love him playing that masculine role. It's this, and many other unspoken gestures, that I truly appreciate."