Wake up, drink coffee, walk the dog, flirt with the stranger on the bus, go to work, pretend to work, go home, walk the dog again, order in food, watch re-runs of The Simpsons, then go to bed. (If this actually is an approximation of your life, I apologize for making it sound boring).
It's easy to see the routine in our daily lives because it happens… well… daily.
How: Different Dating Patterns
Recently, I looked back at my dating history for the past few years and was shocked. I realized that I had gone on a heck of a lot of first dates, very few second dates, and barely any thirds.
My M.O. on a date is to feel that spark. It doesn't have to be physical, just that thing that some people call chemistry and makes you think, "Hey, I'd like to find out more about this person." I think that's a credible goal, but maybe… just maybe, it could take a more than an initial three-hour meet and greet to figure out if there is any chemistry there.
So – here's what I did. I changed my attitude… not a wholesale change mind you, but a slight change that has helped me get past the first-date jinx. Now, instead of wanting to have chemistry on the first date, I just look for the potential of chemistry in the future.
How we approach dating is a big part of our successes and failures therein. So, be honest with yourself and take a moment to see if you might need to change your perspective.
Who: We Have Nothing in Common, Let's Go Out
During my eye-opening, self-actualizing, spiritual stock-taking exercise. I realized that three of the last five women I went on dates with were lawyers, one was a doctor, and the other had her own business.
During my eye-opening, self-actualizing, spiritual stock-taking exercise. I realized that three of the last five women I went on dates with were lawyers, one was a doctor, and the other had her own business.
That threw me for a loop.
I'm a musician by trade and haven't held a regular day-job in quite some time. It was interesting to see that perhaps I was searching for some kind of stability through someone else and their career choice.
Try taking a look at who you've gone out with in the past. You may be surprised to see a thread of similarity between them. My suggestion is, just for fun, date someone completely different from anyone you've dated before. That's what makes something like Lavalife so useful. You can do a search for whomever you want, but remember that maybe you should think about widening your search parameters a bit.
I promise that my next date will not be with a lawyer, corporate financier or medical professional. So, if you happen to know of a cute female graffiti artist or car mechanic who is single, give me a shout.
Why: Looking for Mr. Right… or Mr. Right Now?
Why do we date?
For me, I've bought into the dream of falling in love with a woman, getting married, having a kid or two and going on Chevy Chase-like vacations to the Grand Canyon.
While that is still what I want in the end, my dogged pursuit of the dream might preclude me from having other experiences that might be entertaining or enlightening.
Maybe, like me, you have a Lavalife profile in both the Dating and Relationship sections. Take an opportunity while you can and allow yourself the option to put a profile in the Intimate Encounters area.
Even if you don't go out with anyone from the Intimate community, the very act of posting your profile there will give you a different type of experience that may teach you a thing or two about yourself. And hey… a one-time earth-moving booty call might be just what you need to get you out your safety zone.
By altering the types of dating routines I've outlined above, your perspective on a few things may change. And a change of perspective is always a refreshing thing.
You'll learn about other people, other things, and most importantly – you'll learn about yourself.