I was in my early 30s, new to a new city and became friends with a circle of women who measured a man by his net worth, which was far different than the success criteria that mattered most to me.
"He's a social worker," I said with a smile, "and works at a not for profit, helping street kids in Harlem." To me this showcase of goodwill was a dreamy attribute, but to my friend Stacey it set off alarm bells.
"Get over it," she said in a stern voice, adding, "This man won't even be able to afford a plane ticket to visit your family, what are you thinking?"
I'll tell you what I was thinking, because I am not an idiot.
I met a man with a good heart and a wonderful career who worked as hard as any of the finance schmucks I'd dated. What's more is that he treated me with respect and was not threatened by my insane work schedule, career successes or need for independence.
For the five months we were together, I traded in dates at top spots for longs walks across the Brooklyn Bridge, and let me tell you that our first kiss overlooking Manhattan was one of the most memorable of my dating career.
Though ultimately our romantic relationship did not work out, we remained closest of friends. And, true story, he eventually went onto become Executive Director of one of the most prestigious charities in our state and now serves on the board of directors of several major organizations.
As for my former friend Stacey, the banker she chose to marry has cheated, lied and most recently been denied his yearly bonus, forcing them to yank their two kids out of private school mid-year.
Now we need not be completely blind to the realities of seeking security, love and happiness, but as singles we are often accused of being "too picky."
While I personally do not believe there is such as thing as too selective, I also appreciate that sometimes our preferences are far too personal to make any sense --- an episode or two of Seinfeld will normalize just how illogical the laws of attraction can be.
But if the metric of selection is based on the size of a person's wallet or waist, then how you pick is your problem. I can tell you firsthand those measurements change quickly, and as we have all witnessed of late, sometimes too abruptly.
No one wants to or should ever settle for anything less than they deserve. But the opposite of settling, which so many of us fear, is unsettling.
This article appears courtesy of SingleEdition.com