You know the one where Bill Murray has to live the same day over and over and over again? Every week, it seems I've been getting the same complaints over and over again from both men and women about the opposite sex (all women want is a guy with money, men don't want to commit, etc.)  

 

What keeps this from being your average whine-fest is that these very same men and women say that those stereotypes don't apply to them. These guys may think that women are only in it for the cash, but they swear they're just looking for a nice woman to spend all of eternity with. 

 

The ladies say all guys want is action but swear they're just looking for Mr. Wonderful, whether he's a teacher, a banker or the guy riding on the back of the garbage truck. The most common complaint hurled at the opposite sex? Shallow.

 

So, I gathered up the stack of emails cluttering up my desk and set out to challenge the top seven dating stereotypes. And, wanting to be fair and not just take the ladies' side, I asked Michael Alvear, TV personality, dating blogger at Urge & Merge and author of Men Are Pigs, But We Love Bacon to weigh in as well. 

 

So here you have it: The seven biggest dating myths. Busted (sort of).

OK, it helps. Men are visual, and we are all, you know, biologically programmed to seek out the healthiest, most fertile, genetically sound mate we can snag. But for many men, beauty, at least in the supermodel-y way we women tend to imagine it, is not the be all and end all.

 

Thom, a dater from Toronto says, "It's important for me to be attracted to the women I date, for certain. But I've dated and been attracted to a number of women who have some great feature that drove me crazy, like amazing lips or fantastic legs, who might not be considered beautiful in the traditional sense. The whole, 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' thing is true, at least for me. I tend to go for women who are smart, with a really bizarre sense of humor."

 

Micheal Alvear says, "Yes. It's not that we don't want the rest of the goodies -- personality, kindness, humor, etc.  It's that we want all those gifts wrapped in a beautiful box!"

 

 

Sure, a fat bank account is appealing for a lot of women, but many just want to date someone who is responsible and practical. Sometimes, looking at how a guy handles his finances is a way to determine how he's running the rest of his life.
 

Patrice, a dater from Washington D.C. says the money myth is just that -- a myth. "That is a lie perpetuated by unsuccessful men (financially or in dating.) There are plenty of wealthy women who go after broke/less financially stable men in the name of love. Look at Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon or Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown. It is true though that many women seek some financial stability when they start to look for a potential spouse, but not all women. And finances are usually not the only factor."

 

This brings to mind a quote from my favorite Marilyn Monroe movie, Gentlemen Prefer Blondes: "Don't you know that a man being rich is like a girl being pretty? You wouldn't marry a girl just because she's pretty, but my goodness, doesn't it help?" 

Michael Alvear says: "No. They want to date men who have a car but don't live in it." 

Yes, men want sex. But many of them also harbor the same desires we tend to attribute to women -- commitment, love, a family. When we assume that men are only dating for sex, we do them a disservice. Plus, the us-versus-them mentality isn't doing us any favors.

 

This is, I'm afraid, the thing we women tell ourselves when a relationship we had hoped for doesn't get any traction. (Guys, before you start working yourself into a lather of righteous indignation, remember you do the same thing with the whole "all women are gold diggers" mantra.) 

 

It takes two to get married, and while the males of the species may have executed the greatest marketing campaign in history by convincing the ladies that they're doing them a huge favor by walking down the aisle, many men actually do want to be in a committed, happy relationship… although sex will do in a pinch if that's not available.

 

Michael Alvear says: "We like to think about relationships like a bacon and eggs breakfast:  The chicken was involved; the pig was committed. We'd rather be the chicken."