Myth # 4: The nice guy doesn't get the girl
Most stable women actually do want to date a nice guy. The problem happens not when a guy is "too nice" but when he's not masculine enough. Think doormat or weenie.
You can be the nicest guy in the world and still be a guy. That's what we're looking for. Don't let us walk all over you. Don't "yes dear" us into a catatonic state. And don't be afraid to take that testosterone out for a spin once in a while.
Michael Alvear says: "Bull. Nice guys EVENTUALLY get the girl."
Myth # 5: The longer you've been dating, the more likely the chances you'll get married
This tends to be an issue for women more than men. They believe that the more time they have invested in a relationship, the higher the chances it will eventually result in a trip down the aisle. But in interviewing several hundred men in the research stage for my book Stop Getting Dumped!, I found that men know whether or not they want to marry a woman within the first one to two years, and if they don't feel it by then, the chances that they'll feel it later begin to decline quickly.
In other words, after a couple of years, he knows enough about you to make the decision. So why do guys stay in a relationship for years (and years and years) when they know they don't want to marry a woman? Because they're comfortable, and maybe even happy in the relationship, and nothing better has come along.
As one anonymous dater put it, "My girlfriend and I dated for six years, and the whole time she put the pressure on for a ring. We ended up breaking up and I met my fiancée a few months later. The difference was I knew right away that she was the one I wanted to spend my life with."
Michael Alvear says: "Once you've passed the three-to-five-year phase, the chances slope down like a bent-necked pack mule."
Myth # 6: Men are intimidated by powerful women
An online dating study quoted in the best-seller Freakonomics found that once a woman hit $100,000 in income, her appeal as an online dating candidate went down dramatically.
But the truth is only insecure men are intimidated by powerful women. Secure men are not. So instead of thinking of your kick-butt-in-the-boardroom ways as a liability, look at it as a way to weed out the needy masses. And remember that for lots of guys, there's nothing sexier than a confident woman.
Ben, a dater from San Diego sums it up: "I love powerful women. Bring it on."
Michael Alvear says: "Yes [men are intimidated by powerful women] but less and less so."
Myth # 7: Love conquers all
Love, like spackle, can smooth the cracks of life's ups and downs but it's not a cure-all for addictive behavior, abuse, mother issues, a compulsion to speed or shoplift, or your inability to keep a job.
Sometimes, in fact, a relationship can exacerbate a problem. And some problems are just too big to overcome without some sort of professional intervention.
Michael Alvear says: "PPFFFT! (the sound of coffee spraying out onto my
screen). Love ain't enough."
The heart of the matter is that love looks different to everyone. And the good news in all of this, dating stereotypes aside, is that there is at least one universal truth: There is someone for everyone.
Dating coach Lisa Daily is the bestselling author of How to Date Like a Grown-up and Stop Getting Dumped!