Few things in this world are as fascinating as polling Lavalife members on their thoughts, feelings and experiences as they navigate the frequently choppy waters of online – and offline – dating. Three recent polls really put things into perspective.
One recent survey asked Lavalife.com members what they consider their best feature, offering a choice of “my face,” “my body” or “my mind.” Both men and women clearly felt their grey matter was paramount, with 72 percent of guys and 60 percent of gals declaring their mind their best feature, with “face” a distant second (18 percent for males and 30 percent for females).
The truism that smart is sexy is one online daters are buying and that’s cause to rejoice. There may be the perception that online dating is a kind of virtual meat market but clearly those in the trenches are having none of it, instead putting their intelligence forward. To that we say: bravo.
Another poll that yielded interesting results was this one: when asked the question, “In my dreams, I'm dating… a celebrity/pro athlete or forbidden co-worker/pal/ex,” a huge majority – 71 percent of men and 63 percent of women – chose the latter, confirming that when it comes to our desires for a partner most of us are grounded firmly in reality, despite the constant reel of celebrity culture we are faced with daily.
Realistic expectations aren’t always easy to maintain when dating, especially when a minefield of lies by omissions, gentle fabrications and other red-herrings wait in the wings to dampen our enthusiasm. Singles have to be vigilant in order not to be carried off by hopes that amount to little more than email pipe dreams. Genuinely aiming to meet the guy or girl next door goes a long way toward keeping it real and maximizing the online dating experience for everyone.
Lastly, and just for kicks, we asked Lavalife.com members if they could recall every ex-lover's name. Again, both men and women overwhelmingly voted along similar lines, admitting that when it comes to remembering ex-lovers’ names, the answer is um… er… well… not so much.
Ha! At least they had the sex… all the better to stay positive until the day they find The One.
One love, multiple partners? LL members say… maybe
By Kim Hughes, On 4/16/12 2:26 PM
Every week on Lavalife (and here on Click) we run poll questions across our three communities. The polls serve as a quick window into what Lavalife members are thinking on a certain subject relevant to online dating.
More than that, though, the weekly polls offer a glimpse into how ideas and opinions split along gender lines.
And that is always about five kinds of fascinating.
Take a recent poll we ran in our Intimate community where we asked, “Is it possible to be committed and non-monogamous?” Think you can guess how the results broke down by gender? Actually, in this case you probably can. The majority of men – 65 percent – said yes while the majority of women (59 percent) said no.
Not exactly shocking if you subscribe to the stereotypes that guys invariably desire multiple partners while women like to zoom in on one person at a time to the exclusion of others.
Still, that also means that 35 percent of men and 41 percent of women actually believe it is possible to engage in sexual activity outside their primary relationship while still being deeply committed to it.
And isn’t that interesting? Sure, we must consider the context; this is a poll that ran on Lavalife, where couples can and do seek a third person to join their playtime. But I think the high number of women who responded in the affirmative suggests that partnered women see a panorama of possibilities within their relationships that they wouldn’t have seen a generation ago.
That’s healthy, right? I mean, obviously, it is healthy for an online dating business. But I think it’s also healthy for relationships overall. The less locked-in we feel – the freer we are to love who we love as and when it suits us – the more we can explore our sexuality without fear of judgment or reprisal. And the likelier we are to have more fun during our finite time here on Earth.
If that sounds hippy-dippy well… maybe it is a little. But it seems if two people in a committed relationship decide jointly that they want to explore some options, they should be absolutely free to do so. Judging by the Lavalife poll results, that is precisely where we’re headed. Having more options is always better.
Just for kicks, I have included the hokey but fun trailer for the 1982 cult hit movie Summer Lovers starring an impossibly young Peter Gallagher and Daryl Hannah about a couple on summer holiday in Greece who meet their ideal (and yummy and French) third. Guess we know where they’d fall on the committed-but-non-monogamous continuum.
Yup, good times indeed.
It’s Spring… Energize Your Dating Style!
By Kim Hughes, On 2/21/12 11:59 AM
We’ve survived Valentine’s Day and it’s now almost spring. For most singletons, that’s good news. Spring signals renewal, the return of color to our gardens, morning filled with sunshine and afternoon commutes that don’t happen in the dark.
It also serves as a handy time for self-reflection. What lessons have been learned in the past few months? Are you closer to the dating goals? As we allow the season to prompt our self-reflection, we offer some spring cleaning dating tips. Good luck.
Relationship Spring Cleaning Tips:
Tip #1
Lose the check list and try dating someone who is the complete opposite of your usual type. Men and women often get so wrapped up in superficial requirements that they miss out on who a person is at their core. Ditch the list. Then open your eyes. Mr. Right may have been next to you all along and you failed to realize it.
Tip #2
Make a point of contacting/meeting someone just outside your social circle, comfort zone or even city’s limits. It’s amazing how small the day-by-day circumference of our lives can be (office, gym, local library - repeat!) and how just a few miles can seem a world away. Become a regular at a new bar or coffee shop, take a class at the gym that is on the other side of town, go see a local band that you have never heard of… Change your search criteria on Lavalife and find a whole new crop of amazing people.
Tips #3
Enlist your best friend to help bust you out of your dating rut. Have her go online at Lavalife.com and suggest three or four guys to make first contact with based on what she knows and loves about you and what she perceives to be a promising match based on a guy’s individual profile. Chances are she’ll unearth someone you might have overlooked.
Tip #4
Make a conscious effort to speak to one stranger every single day. It may be a passing comment about the book your fellow transit rider is reading or a gripe about the price of fruit to the person standing in line behind you at the market. Whatever - just get chatting. It’ll boost your real-world confidence and you just never know… that girl on the bus might play tennis with The One.
Tip #5
This one is daring but novel: using social media such as Facebook, appeal to other Lavalife members to nominate an otherwise nice guy or girl they went out with but didn’t spark with as someone you should consider dating. Think of it as a 21st century spin on the old chestnut, “One man’s trash is another’s treasure.”
How to Beat the Valentine's Day Blues
By Kim Hughes, On 2/6/12 11:06 AM
For singles, Valentine’s Day is a glaring reminder that you are still solo – your colleagues receive bouquets of flowers, restaurants are reconfigured to seat only tables of two and Pepto-Bismol pink décor takes over. It’s no wonder the occasion is dreaded by singles. This year, Lavalife.com is offering singles the secret for surviving and even enjoying Valentine’s Day in five quick and easy steps.
Valentine’s Day can create a gut-wrenching feeling… not unlike what you get from downing a whole box of chocolate in a pity-me frenzy. Singles need to keep in mind that Valentine’s Day is a greeting card holiday – and shouldn’t be taken too seriously. They should also take a proactive approach by following these five steps for guaranteed happiness on February 14. Who knows - they may even outshine their coupled friends.
Step #1: Write a Gratitude List. It may sound a little corny but it works every time. Wake up in the morning and write down the people and things in your life that you are grateful for… a recent promotion? A great relationship with your sister? Quitting smoking? Whatever it is, it will undoubtedly lift your spirits.
Step #2: Send a Valentine. Take a look at your gratitude list and pick one person (or a few) that is important to you. Send them a Valentine. It can be a simple card, e-card or even a gift. You will make their day and in doing so, feel great yourself.
Step #3: Make Plans. Put on a hot outfit, grab a couple of single friends and hit your local wine bar, karaoke dive or bowling alley. Tell funny stories of relationships past and enjoy your freedom. If you are looking for a night in, make it a movie night. Rent a bunch of romantic comedies or (better) horror flicks.
Step #4: Chat with Singles…online. Sign up FREE with Lavalife.com and connect with heaps of singles in your area. You can hone your search to find exactly your type and chat with a ton of eligible potential mates. The constant attention and possible connection will make you feel great. You can even set up a spur-of-the-moment coffee date for Valentine’s Day.
Step #5: Donate to Charity. Decide what you would have spent on Valentine’s Day - $50 on a flower delivery, $10 on a box of chocolates, $100 on dinner? – and donate that amount to your charity of choice. Then anticipate the good karma coming your way.
New Year, New You
By Kim Hughes, On 1/4/12 10:58 AM
The coming of the New Year always inspires change. For singles and couples alike, the laundry list of resolutions can be daunting. Experts, from fitness to finance, suggest setting realistic goals and taking small steps toward improvement. With this in mind, Lavalife, the leading online dating source, offers simple, can’t miss ways for singles to improve themselves and their dating lives – instantly.
Right after the holiday season, we at Lavalife see a spike in our membership numbers. During the holidays, people tend to reflect on the past year. Singles especially are inclined to look back and relive relationship mistakes, bad dates and the ones that got away. We want to encourage singles not to dwell on the past but to be proactive about the future.
The 10 Essential Rules are tried-and-true tips that will lead to new relationships, new friendships and a stronger, better sense of self.
Cyber Resolutions: Five Tips to a Better Online Dating Profile
Add more photos or video. In the age of digital photography, there is simply no excuse for not having multiple images of yourself engaged in your favorite hobby, traveling or out on the town. Need more incentive? Research shows profiles with pictures get eight times the response of those without. Face it: looks matter and no one is going to click on an avatar.
Treat Your Online Profile Like a Résumé. When you apply for a job, you highlight your achievements, competencies, and strengths while spelling out why you are the ideal candidate for the post. Do the same with your online profile, showing potential dates all you have to offer and why they choose someone else at their peril.
Set an Intention for Your Search: In yoga, practitioners are encouraged to visualize a positive intention for each class. Do the same with your online searches. For example, on Thursdays, vow to only browse profiles of people who are smiling, Make Fridays the day you reach out to someone who’s not your normal type but seems interesting. Make Mondays your 100-mile radius days and so on.
Be specific. Generalizations such as 'I like to have fun' or 'I love hanging out with my friends' don’t tell the story of you because everyone likes hanging out with friends and notions of fun are subjective. Be granular. Describe your ideal Sunday morning or best-ever vacation, guilty-pleasure reality TV show or secret nerd crush.
Use a trusted friend as an editor. It's hard to write about yourself but a pal can make constructive suggestions about where to add detail (your humor/compassion/killer stroganoff recipe) and where to back off (carping about exes, presenting a rigid grocery-list of must-haves).
Live Feed: Five Tips to Better Real-World Single Living
Lose the grocery list. We all have core needs and values that must be met before we can look at a partner as a long-term prospect. But until that stuff is nailed down, open up your criteria. You may prefer dating guys over 6 feet tall, but Mr. Five Foot Nine might have the best sense of humor ever. The more flexible you are, the wider your dating circle will be. Plus not every date has to lead to marriage. Loosen up and view dates as fun nights out, not BIG EVENTS.
Get a Hobby: The adage, ‘If you cultivate an interest, people will find you interesting’ really is true. Get yourself involved in something that will get you out the door and engaged while broadening your social circle. Take a cooking class, sign up for language lessons, learn to skate or join a book club. Hobbies also provide handy conversational fodder for first dates.
Don't Avoid Couples-centric Events. Nobody likes to feel like a fifth wheel but no one can diminish you without your consent. Couples have friends, acquaintances and co-workers, some of whom are bound to be single. So get out there and circulate. Accept every invitation that you possibly can - from backyard BBQs to community clean-up days.
Volunteer. It doesn't matter what you do (dog walking at the local shelter, serving soup at the homeless kitchen). Volunteering will put you in the path of like-minded people with good hearts and a strong sense of community. What's hotter than that?
Keep it in perspective. Yes, dating can be a grind but so can laundry and we still do that every week. Take good dates and bad dates in stride, try to remain upbeat, extract humor from any source and remember: the moment we're not searching for love is usually the moment we find it.
Holiday Gift-Giving Spending Guide for New Dates
By Kim Hughes, On 12/5/11 1:54 PM
Whether you’ve only been on a few dates, or have been together for years, the decision of what to give your partner at the holidays—or whether to give anything at all—is an important one. Like it or not, the gift you give sends a message regarding how you really feel about the recipient—at least in that person’s view.
It’s human nature for men and women to look beyond the surface and find a deeper meaning in any gift that is given in a relationship. This is especially true at holiday time, when emotions already run high. It is important to make sure your gift is thoughtful but also reflects where you stand in your relationship. Now is not the time for mixed messages.
With this in mind, Lavalife has created a helpful guide for navigating gift-giving at every stage of a relationship:
1)Been on a few dates and not sure where you stand: Give the gift that leads to another date. Tickets to the theater, a concert, or a comedy show, or a dinner reservation at a new hotspot. Or go for something adventurous like trapeze, stand-up paddleboard or boxing lessons. Spending Guide: $25 to $75
2)You’ve been dating for a few months and things are going well: Don’t freak him or her out with a gift that is too extravagant. Give a gift that shows you have been paying attention. If he is constantly talking about his love of golf or obsession with The Beatles, find him some cool new golf gear, or a great book of Beatles photography. She can’t get enough of her hot yoga class and is glued to her Kindle. Go for some Lululemon yoga gear or a new case for her Kindle. For guys or girls, try a really personal touch—forget the old-fashioned mix tape: get an iPod and fill it with songs they’ll love. Spending Guide: $25 to $100
3)Relationship is on the rocks. You are not sure where things will go: At this point, you want to give a gift as a token that you still care. Pick something-- whether it is an activity or some kind of memorabilia--that takes you back to happier times. It can be as simple as making a favorite meal. Don’t spend more than $25, and realize that at this stage, it is the thought, not the flashiness of the gift, that counts.
4)You’ve been dating for anywhere from 6 months to 2 years and see a future: Give a gift that reminds him or her of you daily. Go for an accessory: try a new wallet, pair of sunglasses or an engraved key chain with a special message. Try jewelry. For her: go for a piece that has meaning: a good luck charm bracelet, a necklace that says love or has her initials. For him: a special watch that reflects his personality—a sporty digital for your running fanatic, or a more classic timepiece for your elegant, GQ guy. For men or women, Spend $100 and up.
5.) Men: You’ve been together for five years but are not ready to head to Tiffany’s: Stay far away from any gift that is jewelry or comes in a small box. Give her something that makes her feel good and shows you care. The best gift is something that pampers. Try a spa day or a trip together.
It’s the kind of milestone social media sites would kill for: Lavalife.com is celebrating 10 years as the leader in online dating and relationships. And it remains the best place to find what you are looking for, whatever that might be.
The 10th anniversary is the diamond anniversary, which means the promise of commitment and love. To celebrate, Lavalife.com is giving a gift to singles across North America – the honest truth: The Top Five Reasons Why You Are Still Single along with the Top Ten Reasons why dating on Lavalife.com is the solution.
“We are taking the gloves off, dipping deep into our hard-won expertise on all matters of dating and playing the role of brutally honest best friend,” explains Kim Hughes, Singles and Dating Expert for Lavalife.com. “We know what you are doing wrong and we have the guts to tell you. And we also know how to make it all better.
“Once you’ve owned up to your mistakes and made the necessary changes, then you can begin the quest,” continues Hughes. “Half the battle is realizing your flaws and fixing them. The other half is being proactive. Log on to Lavalife.com, hone your search, be detailed and specific and find The One.”
Top Five Reasons You are Still Single
1)Patiently waiting for fate to deliver your ideal partner? You didn’t wait for fate to deliver good grades in college - you studied. You didn’t wait for fate to firm up your butt - you did squats. Recognize a pattern here?
2)The “requirements” that you “need” in a partner, like a certain height or body size or hobby -- here’s the truth: you may prefer dating someone who is 6-feet tall, but Mr. 5’ 8” could be the funniest guy ever. And a tiger in the sack. Get over yourself.
3)Don’t want to pay for online dating when social media – and some other dating sites – are free? You want to meet people unwilling to spend a little for site functionality, privacy, superior customer service and security in matters relating to a potential lover or spouse? Just checking.
4)Can’t seem to get over your ex? Here’s a question: if the relationship was so great, why is she your ex? Was Juliet Romeo’s ex? Was Yoko John’s ex? No. People who are meant to be together are together. Move on.
5)Looking to meet someone “organically” like at a party or the gym, where your eyes meet across the crowded room and invisible angels start to sing, rather than in a proactive, conscious way? Keep at it… after all, you’ve got endless open Friday and Saturday nights to hit the gym, when all the other hot singles are out on dates working out.
Top 10 Reasons Why Online Dating with Lavalife.com is the Solution
1)You can find someone outside your social circle and daily routine that you truly never would have met otherwise. And if it doesn’t work out, you don’t have to worry about running into him/her on your commute to work or in your favorite pub.
2)If you simply can’t drop the laundry-list of requirements, our search criteria allows you to filter potential partners by ethnicity, languages spoken, faith, body type, even astrological sign. If you insist on a German-speaking practicing Hindu who is also a Sagittarius, we can help you find that person. Really.
3)If you can make a commitment to Lavalife.com for six months, you pay only $9.99 a month, which is cheaper than one glass of wine with tip at a decent bar. Lavalife is not only good for your wallet; it’s good for your waistline, too.
4)You are generally of sound body and mind when you find a date online, unlike meeting someone after a few drinks in a bar where judgment can be clouded (and we know you know what we’re talking about here). With online dating, you will at least have a photo to reference and some recollection of a chat.
5)You can search online anytime it’s convenient for you, 24/7, in the privacy of your home, from behind the iron-clad security veil of a nickname using our proprietary email system.
6)And you can do it while wearing sweat pants and bad hair without anyone being the wiser.
7)You can unapologetically dismiss someone for any reason without having to scramble for a gentle denouement. Don’t like meat eaters, or guys who pose for pictures beside their cars, or dopes who insist on using dog-eared phrases like “carpe diem” or “I might be the one” in their profiles? Just hit “block.”
8)You don’t have to be techie or a computer geek. Lavalife.com has 24/7 customer service and support. Just don’t try to have phone sex with our service operators; they are not offering that kind of service. However, if you would prefer a voice to a keyboard, be sure to try our Lavalife Voice product.
9)With a little bit of effort, you can post multiple pictures and videos and craft a fantastic, descriptive profile that really captures the essence of you. And then you can sit back and enjoy the same efforts made by others, all before a single IM is exchanged. It’s like a buffet of cool people!
10) Online dating will provide you with the best-ever story to tell at your 10th anniversary party when friends or – gasp! – kids ask how you two perfectly matched lovebirds met.
How Many is Too Many?
By Kim Hughes, On 10/3/11 10:08 AM
How many lovers is too many lovers? More to the point, should you even reveal numbers to a partner?
In the new movie, “What’s Your Number?” Ally, played by Anna Faris, is told by a group of girlfriends that women who have had more than 20 sexual partners will not find a husband. The movie begs the question, “What is an acceptable number of partners?” or in this case “How many men is too many?”
In an attempt to separate fact from fiction, Lavalife.com, the leader in online dating and relationships, polled singles to find out if the age-old double standard between men and women still exists. The results revealed that an overwhelming 79% of single men and 94% of single women agree there is still a gender bias of “stud” versus “tramp.”
However, when asked if they were comfortable dating someone who has had more sexual partners than themselves, 7% of men and 77% of women answered “yes.”
It is interesting how both men and women feel the gender bias does exist, yet they are not intimidated when it comes to dating someone with more sexual experience. The number itself doesn’t matter; it’s the way you feel about it, and what it means to you.
For daters - especially women who have entered into double, even triple digits - there is still the fear of the gender bias and answering the “number” question can be tricky.
Although it is possible that a high number of sexual partners could be off-putting to a potential mate, the past does not need to dictate the future. Regardless of the number, there are ways to address your sexual past.
Tips for Addressing the Question: What’s Your Number?
1)You can always be honest. Whether it is 4 or 47, you can lay it out on the table. That is, if you and your partner have been dating long enough for this to be an appropriate question. You never know how you will be perceived, but do take into account your date’s reaction. If he is either appalled or way too excited by your number, then perhaps he is not the right fit for you.
2)Address the question without actually revealing your number. In truth, the number is not important and it is really nobody else’s business. Redirect the question to a more worthwhile discussion: “If you are asking whether I like sex, then the answer is yes.” “If you are asking if I am selective and safe, then the answer is yes.” You get the idea…
3)If you really want to find “The One,” change your strategy. Although sex sometimes leads to love, it doesn’t always. The best option is to join an online dating site like Lavalife.com. Whatever your dating criteria – finding dates that share your language, faith, ethnic background, social habits, even astrological sign – Lavalife.com lets you filter your search to find exactly who you are looking for.
4)Still worried that you will be judged by the double standard? Women: don’t answer until you hear his response, then divide by 2 and subtract 4. Men: worried that your number isn’t high enough to impress her (if so, you are being foolish, women like men who are selective) then add 7. Not yet in the double digits? Add a zero.
5)Sometimes no answer – accompanied by a shy, come-hither grin – is the best answer of all.
Your Dating Style Decoded (hint: think pets!)
By Kim Hughes, On 8/15/11 2:16 PM
A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology shows that pet owners have greater self-esteem than those without pets. They are more physically fit, less lonely, more conscientious, more socially outgoing and have healthier relationship styles.
We here at Lavalife know that singles take their relationships with their pets just as seriously as they do with their lovers. Now we are digging deeper to find out what our pets say about our personalities and how that can influence our relationships with two-legged creatures.
In that spirit, Lavalife.com recently polled singles about their furry friends and the results were eye-opening. To wit: 47% would ditch a lover if they didn’t get along with their pet. In another poll, 10% would consider shared custody of a pet after a relationship ended and more than 60% of single men polled wouldn’t kick Fido out of the bedroom even when getting intimate with a lover.
We can tell a lot about a person not only from the type of pet they have but also where they acquired their pet. Here are some clues that singles can use to help decode potential paramours.
1) Store-bought vs. rescued. People who purchase pets from a pet store tend to be more impulsive, while people who buy from a breeder are more analytical. Those who rescue pets from shelters are known to be comfortable with risk and especially compassionate.
2) Size matters. Since most large dogs need lots of exercise, owners of large breeds tend to be more active, outgoing and assertive. Small dog owners tend to be more detail-oriented and some may even be neat freaks.
3) Dog vs. Cat. Cat lovers tend to be more independent and scholarly while dog owners have been found to be more conscientious, agreeable and extroverted.
“Having a pet requires a person be responsible and it is not always possible to do things on a whim, so don’t count on the last-minute date or sleepover,” explains Dr. Rachel Needle, Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist.
Other research suggests that there is a connection between the way a partner treats his pet and how he or she treats their significant other. Likewise, treating a potential mate as you would your animal can lead to a more successful relationship.
Lavalife and Dr. Rachel Needle offer tips for singles on how to breed successful human relationships.
1.Be honest. You don’t beat around the bush when Fido or Fluffy does something to upset you. Being direct and verbally honest can lead to better relationships and communication.
2.Don’t hold a grudge. With animals, we forgive and move on. With humans and in our relationships, we should do the same.
3.Know your limits. We set boundaries with our pets: Don’t sit on the couch, don’t chew my shoes. In relationships, we should do the same. Know your own wants, needs, social, emotional and sexual limits and communicate them to your partner.
4. Show affection on a daily basis! It is amazing what even a small gesture of affection can do. Merely placing your hand on someone’s arm or touching their back gently can communicate that you care and make your partner feel good.
5.Trust your instinct. Pets can sense right away if they are going to get along with another animal in the park. If your gut tells you that you are not with the right person, follow it. There are plenty of fish in the sea… and dogs in the dog park.
“If someone is kind and loving towards their pet, that is a good indication that they will likely be that way towards a lover as well,” continues Dr. Needle. “However, be careful if your partner is too attached to their pet or if they treat their pet poorly. This can be a red flag!”
Summer Travel & Singles: Match Made in Heaven
By Kim Hughes, On 6/20/11 1:34 PM
There is no better time to be single than the summer. The weather is hot, the attire minimal and al fresco parties are abundant. Summer is also a great time for single Canadians to travel, maximizing the value of the dollar with spur-of-the-moment getaways to U.S. hotspots.
With this in mind, Lavalife.com, the expert in online dating, offers singles the “must-have” features for a winning stateside travel destination this summer.
“Hot weather destinations invariably spark romance and summer flings,” explains Kim Hughes, Singles and Dating Expert for Lavalife.com. “To top it off, the best travel deals usually occur in the summer. Pick an off-season destination – some place that is just too hot for families – grab your best guy and/or girlfriends and get going. And don’t forget to connect with Lavalife members based locally wherever you’re headed using our Advance Search function. Talk about expanding your circle.”
“Must-have” Features for Singles (pick one or a few!):
A happening pool scene
24-hour party spot
A town on the beach
A music heaven
Outlet malls
Summer Getaway Destinations:
1)Get Hot in Las Vegas - Nothing says ‘sexy summer fling’ like a great pool scene and here the pools - like everything else - are larger than life. Plus in Vegas, pretty much anything goes. The party never stops and the prices in the summer are so low that there is plenty of dough left over to shop and gamble. Find a pool scene with a day-to-night atmosphere (pool volleyball or waterslide during the day and a great DJ or band at night).
Where to stay: The Hard Rock has its own beach. Mandalay Bay, The Mirage and The Wynn offer “Adult Only” topless pools. Planet Hollywood has a sexy nightlife scene.
2)Put on your Dancing Shoes in New Orleans - Laissez les bon temps rouler. Celebrate being single in a destination that is addicted to fun and also seriously back in business post-Katrina. Indulge in fabulous restaurants, 24-hour bar scenes, great music and an endless party.
Where to stay: Book a stay in the French Quarter to be close to the action but don’t miss the local scene on Magazine Street and Julia Street. Check out unique artsy boutiques like the Thomas Mann jewelry shop - world-renowned artist creating “techno romantic jewelry” - and the House of Lounge for glam lingerie and loungewear.
3)Less is More in Miami Beach – Find a cultural Mecca on the sand and be sure to don your skimpiest swimsuit, teeniest cocktail dress – and men, your tightest pair of jeans and best fitting t-shirt. Spend the morning at the pool or on the beach, the afternoon dining and shopping on Lincoln Road or in Bal Harbour, and the evening hotel-hopping or clubbing. It’s hot but after a few mojitos and a dip in the pool, you won’t even notice. Miami Beach defined the sexy singles scene; go forth and pay homage.
Where to stay: Book a weekend on the sand in South Beach. Stay at the new Gansevoort or Fontainebleau Hotels or go for a classic with The Delano, Shore Club or Sagamore. At any of these places, you don’t have to leave your hotel to find fun – it’s all right there for you.
4)Shop til You Drop in Palm Springs – Think retro cocktail culture, a sultry pool scene, sky-high mountains and warm dry air. Now, surround that with miles of golf courses, spas and outlet malls. It is the bachelor and bachelorette party destination for Southern Californians (yes! Singles!) plus in the summer, the hotels are cheap and the activities are endless.
Where to stay: Try one of the chic hotels that attract a young crowd like the Viceroy or Riviera. Or for chic-on-a-budget, try the ultra-trendy Ace Hotel which attracts a hipster, artsy crowd. For golf, spa, pool and restaurants all in one, try the Renaissance Esmeralda Resort & Spa. Take a ride on the Palms Spring Aerial Tramway, make new friends on the way and go hiking in San Jacinto state park.
5)Let your Single Spirit take you to Texas – Calling all free-spirits. Austin offers the perfect mix of nature and classic rock-n-roll. Hit the hiking trails or the Colorado River by day. And at night, live out your groupie fantasy; Austin is home to more than 200 live music venues. If that isn’t enough to sway you, Austin was recently ranked the sexiest city in America by a Men’s Health magazine reader poll.
Where to stay: There is a solid collection of recognizable brands from Hampton Inn and Hyatt to a posh Four Seasons. There are also some unique gems in town like the Hotel Saint Cecilia, with décor inspired by 60s beat writers like William Burroughs and the historic Driskill Hotel, built in 1886 and located in the heart of Sixth Street. Don’t miss the shops, restaurants and music venues on Sixth Street, and be sure to check out Emo’s, Antone’s Nightclub and the Elephant Room.
To find what you are looking for go to www.lavalife.com to save 50% off a Lavalife membership with coupon code SUMMER50. Offer expires 9/5/2011
Best Advice for Single Parents? Try Online Dating
By Kim Hughes, On 5/2/11 1:57 PM
May 2
Moms are using the Internet for everything from shopping and banking to catching up with friends. Similarly, single parents are turning to the Internet for a second or third go at love. This Mother’s Day, Lavalife offers single moms the ultimate gift: the encouragement to find love now and the tools they need for a successful online dating journey.
“We know from a BBC World poll of Internet users in 19 countries that 1-in-3 people online are looking for romance so it is safe to assume that a large percentage of those seeking love are single parents,” explains Kim Hughes, Singles and Dating Expert for Lavalife. ”Online dating gives single parents who are busy but also cautious of who they allow into their world the chance to look for a mate on their own time and the ability to screen and filter their search.”
Re-entering the dating game can be daunting for anyone. “It is important that singles feel comfortable and confident when searching for love online,” continues Hughes. “With a little guidance, this can be easy to achieve.”
Why Online Dating Is Ideal for Single Moms
1) It’s Affordable
With the possible exception of Sandra Bullock, most single moms must be vigilant about expenses, leaving little discretionary income to find dates at bars, gyms and hot spots. With online dating, a small monthly fee - less than the cost of one glass of wine with tip if you sign up for six months or more - allows single moms to peruse 1,000s of profiles of eligible single guys while exchanging unlimited emails and IMs. And you don’t need an extensive wardrobe to do it.
Tip: Don’t be afraid to take the initiative. If a guy’s profile catches your fancy, go ahead and send him a smile. He’ll be five kinds of flattered, and you’ll feel great about taking charge of your dating life.
2) It’s Available 24/7 (and never requires a sitter)
Lavalife is ‘open for business’ every hour of every day all year long. So whether your daily “you” time falls first thing in the morning before the kids wake up or last thing at night after they’ve gone to bed, you can communicate with like-minded singles keen to make a connection based on shared interests, values and goals.
Tip: Great online chemistry doesn’t always translate offline, so limit the amount of time you spend communicating digitally before meeting up for coffee to see if there’s sparks.
3) It’s Customizable
Whatever criteria is foremost in your search for a date or mate - distance from your home, languages spoken, faith, ethnic background, age range, even astrological sign - you can custom your search to find exactly who you’re looking for, while eliminating those who just won’t cut it.
Tip: Everyone has dating and relationship deal-breakers (think religion or smoking) but being fluid with the preferential stuff such as height, weight and hobbies widens your potential dating pool.
4) It’s Safe and Private
Because Lavalife members use nicknames to correspond with each other inside a closed, proprietary email system, your personal information is concealed until you choose to share it. You can limit who sees your photos, cease communicating with anyone at any time for any reason and get 24/7 assistance from trained customer services reps. (As in actual, live people handling your call.)
Tip: Keep yourself safe offline by organizing a first date in a public place. Make sure a friend knows where you’re going, who you are meeting and when you are due back.
5) It’s About You
Lavalife allows you to reveal as much or as little information as you would like in your online dating profile. For single moms, your success is based on how well you express yourself. Creating an awesome online dating profile is easy:
·Be specific and detail-oriented. Rather than relying on generalizations such as “I like having fun with friends” describe what fun means to you. It is horseback riding or baking? Movies or hot yoga?
·Post lots of photos and use them to tell the story of you. Profiles with images get eight times the response of those without. Avoid pics of your kids or posting a pic that dates back 20 years. Instead post recent pics from a great vacation, night out with friends, etc.
·Be honest. If you fib about dress size or age, your date will notice when you finally meet and nobody appreciates deceit.
·Lose the lengthy wish list. Only declare absolute relationship deal-breakers (smoking, religion, etc.)
·Be positive. Stay focused on what makes you happy.
·Use spell check and a trusted friend as an editor. She can remind you to emphasize traits that make you special.
·Never list highly personal information such as your address, personal email or phone number.
·Leave some stuff to the imagination. A profile is a launch point for discussion not a memoir.
The Secret to Successful Modern Relationships? Technology
By Kim Hughes, On 4/4/11 4:46 PM
April 4
In today's busy world, people will do anything to save a minute in the day. They substitute a phone call with an email, swap a face-to-face conversation for a text, even instant-message Mom.
In an era where technology is king, it has become the go-to tool for finding a relationship and communicating with mates and loved ones. But techies beware: relying too much on technology can send mixed signals and even sabotage intimacy. Which is why Lavalife.com the leading online dating site offers vows for boosting your bond: the electronic "I dos and don'ts" for keeping your connection secure.
Technology "I Dos"
• Use an online dating website like Lavalife.com to find love. It allows you to search for other singles, be specific about what you are looking for and find a date on your own schedule.
• Use email or E-letter writing to express yourself. Some of us are not as good with words and tend to get tongue-tied, saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. If you have something important to say to your mate or loved one and can't express it verbally, write it down in an email or letter and then discuss their response or reaction in person.
• Send brief text messages just to let your mate or friends know that you are thinking of them. It’s a quick and easy way to make someone feel good.
• Do use Skype, email, text messaging and any form of technology to keep a long-distance relationship alive. Since you are missing the in-person connection, relying on technology will help keep the bond.
• Use technology to keep people updated on what you are doing. Update your Facebook status and page with pictures from your latest adventure. Send a quick text to a colleague if you are running late. Email your travel schedule to your family before a trip.
Technology "I Don'ts"
• Don't put it in print. Couples argue via email or text message at their peril. Not only do they lose the human interaction which can help to solve the problem but they are putting all of their angry or negative feelings into print - allowing them to be revisited and brought up over and over again.
• Your smartphone should never be the third wheel on your date. Nobody is so important that they cannot sit through a date or dinner with friends without checking their phone. Try leaving your phone in your pocket or purse until the end of the evening. You may be surprised at how good it feels to focus on the company you are with.
• Save some for the imagination. Oftentimes couples who text each other too frequently throughout the day are left with nothing to talk about when they return home to each other in the evening. Use texting as a teaser for more details to come.
• Sending a text after a first date is a wimpy way out. Guys and girls who text immediately after a date send mixed signals. For some it is a quick way to write off a bad date without guilt; for others it is a way to keep the person hanging on, just in case you want to see them again. Either way - it leaves things unclear, which can be messy.
• Don't dial, email or update when drunk. This goes for sending a work email after too many cocktails, updating your Facebook status or texting potential lovers. A drunken email or text message never captures exactly what you mean and like all technology, once it’s out there, you can't take it back.
Below is the trailer for a new movie, Textuality, (coming April 22) wich deals with that very subject. Check it out!
Saving While Dating This Spring
By Kim Hughes, On 2/28/11 11:04 AM
Mar. 1
Plenty of daters have dropped the “it’s not you, it’s me” excuse to end bad relationships… not that they actually believe that’s true. Yet the harsh reality is this: the common denominator in your failed relationships is you. With this in mind, Lavalife, the leading resource for singles and dating, offers five tried-and-true tips to bust singles out of troublesome dating patterns and break free from their dating ruts.
“The idea of ‘relationship spring cleaning’ is to help singles start with a clean slate,” explains Kim Hughes, Singles and Dating Expert for Lavalife. “We want singles to confront the skeletons of their ex-boyfriends or girlfriends and change up the routine. There are ways to stop making the same dating mistakes and this is the time to do it!”
With Lavalife’s tips, single women and men will meet a variety of new people and possibly even The One. Plus, it’s spring - the best time of the year to start fresh.
And beginning March 1, Lavalife is offering a new, lowered subscription rate: one month for $19.99; three months for $16.99 a month, or six months for $9.99 a month. And now for those can’t-miss tips:
Relationship Spring Cleaning Tips:
Tip #1
Lose the check list and try dating someone who is the complete opposite of your usual type. Men and women often get so wrapped up in superficial requirements that they miss out on who a person is at their core. Ditch the list. Then open your eyes. Mr. Right may have been next to you all along and you failed to realize it.
Tip #2
Make a point of contacting/meeting someone just outside your social circle, comfort zone or even city’s limits. It’s amazing how small the day-by-day circumference of our lives can be (office, gym, local library - repeat!) and how just a few miles can seem a world away. Become a regular at a new bar or coffee shop, take a class at the gym that is on the other side of town, go see a local band that you have never heard of… Change your search criteria on Lavalife and find a whole new crop of amazing people.
Tips #3
Enlist your best friend to help bust you out of your dating rut. Have her go online at Lavalife.com and suggest three or four guys to make first contact with based on what she knows and loves about you and what she perceives to be a promising match based on a guy’s individual profile. Chances are she’ll unearth someone you might have overlooked.
Tip #4
Make a conscious effort to speak to one stranger every single day. It may be a passing comment about the book your fellow transit rider is reading or a gripe about the price of fruit to the person standing in line behind you at the market. Whatever - just get chatting. It’ll boost your real-world confidence and you just never know… that girl on the bus might play tennis with The One.
Tip #5
This one is daring but novel: using social media such as Facebook, appeal to other Lavalife members to nominate an otherwise nice guy or girl they went out with but didn’t spark with as someone you should consider dating. Think of it as a 21st century spin on the old chestnut, “One man’s trash is another’s treasure.”
Click & Lavalife Present A Valentine’s Day Survival Guide
By Kim Hughes, On 2/8/11 2:58 PM
Feb. 1
Most of us have a love-hate relationship with Valentine’s Day. The hopes for Hollywood-style romantic gestures often leave women disappointed and men in a white-knuckle panic. With this in mind, Lavalife, the leading expert in online dating, is changing the face of Valentine’s Day by offering a survival guide for couples and singles: universal options of what to do on Valentine’s Day and a Valentine’s Day Spending Guide, how much to spend and what to buy at any stage of the relationship wheel.
“Guys hoping to impress a special woman this year don’t need to spend more,” explains Lavalife’s Singles and Dating Expert, Kim Hughes. “They need to think more…as in, execute a fun, offbeat, one-of-a-kind date. As for singles, there is simply no reason to sit home alone. Valentine’s Day is an ideal day to mingle with single friends and don’t forget to treat yourself: just because you are single, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get a gift.”
With Lavalife’s survival guide, women and men will undoubtedly fall back into the arms of Valentine’s Day, reaping the rewards from the ones they love.
Lavalife’s Valentine’s Day Survival Guide
If You Are Single…
#1 Sign up for Lavalife. It’s for free for new members for the month of February (think of it as our gift to you). Make February a dating bonanza. Meet as many new people as you can from February 1st to the 13th. Come Valentine’s Day, you may have already found the love of your life, or you may need a night off to watch a good chick flick and pamper yourself. Still single on February 15? Start the dating whirlwind all over again. You still have two more weeks of free Lavalife!
#2 Throw an anti-Valentine’s Day Party. Last year, the movie Valentine’s Day showed a bunch of single women taking out their dating rage on a heart-shaped piñata. Why not throw a sexy cocktail party for your single friends? Make a great play list, a killer punch, chips and dips and dress to the nines. Or, throw an anti-love movie fest. Load up on slasher flicks, M&Ms and popcorn and camp out on the sofa.
#3 Be a Doll and Babysit
Finding a babysitter on Valentine's Day is about as complicated as determining the molecular formula of SPAM. Take the pressure off somebody who really needs a little romance in their lives by offering to babysit while they head out for a night on the town. It's not glamorous, but the good karma will follow you around for the rest of the year.
If You Are Taken…
#1 - Bon Appétit, Baby
Skip the expensive, impersonal and overcrowded restaurant scene altogether. Instead, select a dinner either from a cookbook you have never tried or from a perennial fave. Shop for the ingredients and prepare dinner together. Up the ambience quotient by choosing a national cuisine - say Spanish, French or Portuguese - then pair with wine, music, even clothing style from that country.
#2 - See the Sights
Be tourists in your own city for a day. Visit a museum or art gallery, go shopping, canoodle on public transit and enjoy lunch or brunch at a local hotspot. Take along a camera and photograph each other at sites you both enjoy or better, at places that remind you of good times you have had together in the past.
#3 - Double (or Triple) Your Pleasure
Since when was Valentine’s Day declared a proverbial bicycle built for two? If you are a couple - especially a long-term couple - chances are there are other couples in your orbit. Grab one or two others, and either have a dinner party or head to a fun, laidback restaurant. Widening the circle will help dispel the romantic pressure.
Valentine’s Day Gift Guide
If you're single and loving it...
Ladies, take the day off and book yourself a day at the spa. Revel in spending a solitary, giddy afternoon pampering yourself.
If you're a single guy with no attachments, send your mom a card. If you're a really nice guy, consider sending some non-red roses to a female buddy. Honestly, that good-guy karma will pay dividends for years as she tells all of her single friends what a good catch you are.
If you've only had a few dates...
Spend $50 or less.
Guys, this may come as a shock: Even if a woman has had only one or two dates with you in the month of February, she's hoping you'll send her flowers for Valentine's Day.
For most women, watching the parade of flower-delivery drivers at work on Valentine's Day is a lot like waiting to be picked for the dodgeball team in sixth-grade gym class: Nobody wants to be the one left over at the end.
If you chose to forgo flowers, candy is by far the next best thing unless she is a wine drinker, in which case a terrific bottle from her favorite region (or of her favorite varietals) is a guaranteed winner.
If you've been dating six months or longer...
Spend $200 or less.
Guys, we hate to be the bearer of bad news, but six months or longer generally means jewelry. If you need help picking something she'll like, ask her best friend or sister to go shopping with you.
If jewelry is a no-go consider getting her an e-Reader such as a Kobo or nook. Personalize the device with a selection of titles adhering to a theme such as her favorite titles, books you’ve read that you think she’ll love, the most romantic stories ever told, travel adventures set in places you hope to visit together, titles you hope to discuss/debate over future candlelit dinners…
Winning (not Whining) through Winter
By Kim Hughes, On 1/24/11 11:28 AM
Jan. 24
It’s January and for those of us living in the Northern Hemisphere, that realization amounts to a kind of surrender to depression.
The nights are long and cold, the days are short and cold and the opportunities for dating - which can seem so abundant and effortless during temperate times of the year - feel agonizingly rare.
Even if we do spot a potential hottie at the grocery store or on the bus, most of us are hidden so deep beneath layers of winter clothing that there is a genuine fear of being mistaken for a moving construction site swaddled in protective tarps.
In short, winter sucks.
But for singles, it’s essential that spirits remain upbeat and positive throughout the year. After all, you just never know when ‘The One’ might walk through the door at the library, or send you a smile on Lavalife.
Whether we intend to or not, humans have a weird way of broadcasting their inner feelings, and the single walking around feeling glum and hopeless is invariably going to be perceived as such. Also, they will be avoided. Indeed, winter may be the most important time to smile and keep your chin up, so that you can be distinguished as the sunny person despite the season.
There is some reason to believe this message has gotten through. A recent Lavalife poll asking singles whether they honestly love themselves returned an impressive 68 percent 'yes' among men and women, suggesting that those active in online dating feel good about what they have to offer potential dates. That, in a word, rocks.
So despite the awful temps and interminable nights, lots of singles seem to understand that positivity attracts same. There has never been a better time to carry that message forward. So go ahead and spread the love on Lavalife.
Single This Holiday Season? Lucky You!
By Kim Hughes, On 12/6/10 4:01 PM
Dec. 6
It’s easy to be cynical around the holiday season, especially if you are single.
The temptation is to focus on all the couple-y events and saccharine advertising that seems to permeate the ether from about mid-October straight through to the New Year.
But unless you are a masochist and prefer to dwell on the negative, the truth is this: the holiday season is an awesome time to be single.
For one thing, there are parties galore, and each presents an opportunity to expand your social circle. From the office Christmas party to your Aunt Edna’s annual brunch, every invitation presents a handy excuse to dress up, let your hair down and flirt like crazy.
Plus, the money you might otherwise have to spend on a significant other can be plowed back into your wardrobe or perhaps into a spa treatment. This year, Lavalife partnered with fashion and beauty expert Anne L. Fritz – editor-in-chief and co-founder of style, travel and lifestyle website The Jet Set Girls (www.thejetsetgirls.com) - to arm women with five crucial fashion tools to look fabulous for every holiday occasion, backed up by rock-solid tips for solo navigation of the season.
“There are loads of parties offering endless opportunities to meet new people which means you must look your best. There are five must-have items for creating the perfect holiday look.”
Glitter, Sparkle, Shimmer in a Sequin Cami
Whether you are going to a business dinner, neighbor’s open house, ladies luncheon or a cocktail party, the sequin cami is the most versatile and sexy look for the holidays. Wear it under a blazer for a business dinner, under a buttoned cardigan with a peak of sparkle for a luncheon or open house and alone in all its splendor for a cocktail party. Go for rich tones in gold, burnt orange or midnight blue. You can never go wrong pairing with skinny jeans or black pants and a pair of open-toe booties.
Essential Dating Tip: Never bring a date to the office party. For one thing, you can’t control bad behavior which could reflect poorly on you. Plus, co-workers have single friends. Be the belle everyone wants to match their best buddy with.
Be Sexy and Warm in a Fur Vest
A faux fur vest is the must-have item for the holiday season and can transform any outfit from ordinary to fabulous. Not only does it look warm and rich but is soft and luscious to the touch. Top a sundress to transform a look from summer to winter, accent a plain white t-shirt and jeans or pair with a tunic and leggings for a sexy look at any occasion.
Essential Dating Tip: Be on guard for sneaky seasonal sentimentality. If the guy you felt so-so about last June suddenly seems like the perfect partner for eggnog by the fireplace, ask yourself if that’s really what you think or just a mirage you’re chasing.
Make a Statement with an oversized Cocktail Ring
Don’t wait for Mr. Right to buy you a bright bauble. Cocktail rings are all the rage this holiday season and are the frosting to every holiday look. Go for oversized rings in rich amethyst, sapphire or even warm citrine. Wear on your middle or index finger. Don’t save the ring for evening. Pair with a simple sweater and jeans for a day-to-night look.
Essential Dating Tip: Take care of the inside. During the holidays, it’s easy to over-indulge in rich food, alcoholic drinks and late nights. Cultivate a pretty outward glow by caring for your health.
Be a Knock-Out in a Cocktail Dress
Pick an asset to flaunt—be it your mile-long gams, sexy shoulders or décolletage. While LBDs are always in—and are abundant this season—look for a dress that will make you stand out, like a metallic strapless mini-dress or a sequined tank style. Don’t be afraid to wear the dress to a less formal event. It is the holiday season meaning there is always a reason to be dressed up.
Essential Dating Tip: Never organize a first date for New Year’s Eve. It may seem like a golden opportunity but if you two don’t hit it off, you’re stuck on a night when you should be rocking out with friends. Plus the midnight kiss will be awkward.
Polish Your Look
And not just your nails…make-up is key to completing any look. Go for a touch of shimmer like a midnight blue eye shadow. Splurge on the occasional blow-out or a flawless manicure (one of the least expensive luxuries in any city) and don’t leave home without a swipe of mascara. Opt for a bold lip gloss. Since the winter weather tends to cause us to look a bit gray, add a dab of cream blush or tinted moisturizer. Not sure how to do it yourself? The holidays are the best time to visit a make-up counter for a quick (and free) makeover!
Essential Dating Tip: Keep it in perspective. Being single is not a life sentence; it just means The One is waiting for his cue to enter. Enjoy your status while it lasts while reveling in family and friendships. Who knows what 2011 will bring?
Primping for Pumpkin Parties
By Kim Hughes, On 10/25/10 1:43 PM
Oct. 25
In the last few years it seems as though Halloween has really come into its own as a ‘holiday’ - or at least an excellent excuse for singles to bust out of their usual and often buttoned-down personas, gussy up in costumes and hit the party circuit with a vengeance.
Increasingly it seems that while adults are happy to abet the small fry in their trick-or-treating missions, they also want to claw back some of the fun for themselves – especially when Halloween falls on a weekend, as it does this year.
I personally know of about half-a-dozen cool parties slated for Saturday night (October 30) and I fully expect bars and restaurants to be wall-to-wall with revelers decked out in everything from vampire chic to Jersey Shore skank.
A recent Lavalife missive emphasized the point. To identify the most alluring costumes for single women and men, the online dating website called on fashion and beauty expert Anne L. Fritz.
“This year, singles should look to the show-stopping celebrities and pop icons to channel their most intriguing single self for Halloween. These costumes allow singles to unleash their wild side with fashion and sass,” explains Fritz. “The best part is that most of the costumes are recession-friendly and easy to create using clothes you already have, accented with a few pieces from the costume shop, make-up counter or even dollar store.”
Sweet and Sultry Halloween Costumes for Singles:
Anne L. Fritz is the editor-in-chief and co-founder of The Jet Set Girls a style, travel and lifestyle website. A fashion and beauty expert, Anne was Style Director of Life & Style and Fashion & Beauty Editor at Woman's Day magazine. Calling on her love of fashion and pop culture, Anne introduces the most attention-grabbing costumes in 2010:
For the Ladies…
Spend one night on the Jersey Shore…
Channel Snooki, Jwoww and crew with a Jersey Shore costume. Wear either super-short cutoff jean shorts and a V-neck tee or a short printed mini-dress, preferably with a halter neck or strapless. Put on your best push up bra to put your girls front and center. Be sure to faux tan until you’re bright orange (remove it with a body scrub the next day or use a wash-off lotion tanning gel).
Trade Bon Bons for Blood Red…
When it comes to vampires and the ladies who love ‘em, there’s no shortage of options this Halloween. To dress like True Blood’s Sookie, wear jean shorts, a tight white T-shirt, a nametag, Keds or Converse sneakers and tie a scarf around your neck to the hide the bite marks. If Twilight is more your style, wear jeans and a hoodie, swipe a lip-plumping lip gloss and a pout to bring out Bella.
To be a vampire yourself, buy some fangs at a costume store, use an extra dusting of a pale face powder, skip the blush and wear a dark-hued lipstick. As for the outfit, vampires come in so many shapes and sizes these days, get creative and be sure to look your sexiest to do Edward and Alice and Bill and Eric proud.
Gaga for Ghoul
Rock and roll’s two current leading ladies, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry, are sure to inspire some of the sexiest and most fashion-forward costumes. To pull off Lady Gaga, decide which of her looks you’re most inspired by -- be it the meat dress from the VMAs, the orbit-like bespoke Armani from the Grammys or the studded leather jacket and matching bra from the Telephone video—and go for it. Many costume stores are selling Lady Gaga hair bow wigs and otherworldly hats to top off your outfit. Extra points for going pantless or wearing Alexander McQueen-esque armadillo shoes.
If you’re more of a California Gurls kinda girl, buy yourself some blunt clip-in bangs, apply fake eyelashes and wear your best pin-up girl outfit, like a polka dot mini-dress or a bustier and tap shorts. Add a cute or kitschy touch like a giant lollipop or pin on an oversized flower to your top and voila, you’re Katy Perry.
Be the Girl with Dragon Tattoo
Lisbeth Salander is a hot mess. She’s often wearing jeans, tank tops and hoodies in the book. The key is, of course, the dragon tattoo. Hers is on her back and neck and it’s not her only one. Use lots of fake tattoos and apply liberally. Her hair is short and jet-black; if yours isn’t invest in a wig. She also has a nose piercing and a few in her ears—look for faux options at a costume store.
Twister
For an easy costume, take two Twister mats and stitch them together to make a dress. Wear bright tights to match. Strap the board around your neck by using a hole-punch and some string. Then be prepared to get very hands on!
For the Men…
Bring the GTL
The Jersey Shore is a great costume for women and men. Get ready to GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry) to pull off Pauly D or the Situation. Wear board shorts, a Shore Store T-shirt or an Ed Hardy T-shirt, and spend some time doing crunches at the gym, because you’re going to be showing off your abs big-time! Gel your hair until it sticks straight up and can’t move and spray tan, spray tan, spray tan.
Bachelor with Roses to give away
Put on your best suit and most lovelorn look and arm yourself with a dozen roses. Ask all the hot girls you see if they’ll accept your rose. Note: You may want to study up on the show first, as women actually do watch The Bachelor and may ask you who your favorite bachelor was. (Hint: Ryan Sutter is always a safe bet).
1920s gangster-Boardwalk Empire
Break out your 1920s gangster pin-striped suit, complete with red carnation on the lapel. Boardwalk Empire is the hottest show this fall and as you probably already know, the ladies can’t resist a bad boy.
Genie
Who doesn’t want her wish granted? Buy a fez at a costume store, and then wear a colorful felt vest with nothing underneath and flowy pants (pajama pants could do in a pinch) and slippers. The pièce de résistance is a magic lantern that all the ladies will want to rub.
Aviator
It’s true: women love a man in uniform and none are sexier than a pilot. Wear a navy blue suit, pin on some wings, get a hat and wear aviator shades.
Whatever you wear, be sure to get out there and mingle… and enjoy your single status while you can.
Master of Your Domain? Yes Please!
By Kim Hughes, On 9/27/10 1:43 PM
Sept. 27
Every week on Lavalife.com, we run polls asking members to weigh in with their opinions on matters of dating, relationships and sex. And every week, I am alternately delighted/floored/humbled/astonished/amused by the responses.
And so it goes for with a poll that ran in mid-September in Lavalife's Intimate Encounters community. The question, admittedly somewhat existential in its bent, was this: Would you trade masturbation for 10 extra years of life?
Think about that for a moment. Ten extra years of life - presumably years that could be jam-packed with sex that would compensate for all that masturbatory downtime.
Think about what you have done over the past 10 years, or 20 years, and how great it would be if, when your proverbial number is about to be called, if you could whip out a special card that would keep the Grim Reaper at bay for a decade… just so long as you don't pleasure yourself.
Well, the results were definitive, with 58 percent of respondents saying "Not a chance" while 42 percent said, "In a heartbeat." What I found most interesting is the breakdown by gender.
At the risk of stereotyping, I would have expected the majority of men to say "Not a chance" and the majority of women to say "In a heartbeat" but such was not the case. Here is the breakdown by gender:
Would you trade masturbation for 10 extra years of life?
Men
In a heartbeat
41%
Not a chance
59%
Total male votes
601
Women
In a heartbeat
43%
Not a chance
57%
Total female votes
206
Total
In a heartbeat
42%
Not a chance
58%
Total votes
807
All of which just goes to show that both men and women value their… ah… "me" time considerably more that we (OK, me) might have guessed. And, we may infer, that a life lived without self-pleasure is probably not a life worth living.
This ought to be great news for vibrator manufacturers, yet another savage blow for the Catholic Church and other sexual naysayers.
In other news, I recently had the great good fortune to do an Internet radio show with dating expert Gloria McDonald who is a terrific lady and a big Lavalife supporter.
For an hour during her Secrets of Dating and Relationship Success program, we talked about online dating safety, privacy, best practices and the like. It was a fun time and some really useful information emerged; check out the program right here. Our thanks to Gloria for her continued support.
5 Unique Dates for Fall
By Kim Hughes, On 9/7/10 2:22 PM
Sept. 7
People often point to spring as the season of rejuvenation - the ideal time to approach dating with renewed vigor and fresh ideas.
But there's a strong case to be made for fall. There are numerous activities that are unique to the autumn season that guarantee truly great dates for new romances and couples.
With this in mind, I put on the proverbial thinking cap to come up with can't-miss autumn date ideas. Have fun!
Horseback Riding
Google the words "horseback riding" in just about any major North American city and you'll get loads of hits on local stables offering rides astride Appaloosas, Arabians and Miniatures for riders of just about any skill level. No matter how experienced you are or aren't, dignity is (almost) never compromised atop a beautiful, gliding horse. Plus, there's just something really cool about viewing the horizon seven feet taller than usual. And since most stables are just outside of town, you'll have lots of time to chat on the drive to and from.
Winery Tour
From Oregon to Ontario, California and Nova Scotia to Kentucky, North America is a wine drinker's nirvana. And wine growers continent-wide have thrown open their cellars to the general public for tastings, tours, cooking classes and more. Apart from imbuing drinkers with a lovely fuzzy feeling, wine tasting is also a fantastic launch point for lively discussions about food, travel, literature, culture and so on. And that bottle you buy to take home becomes a handy excuse to arrange another date.
Cooking Class
Like winery tours, group and couples-based cooking classes have really come into vogue in the last decade and man, are they ever fun. Forget dusty notions of slinging tuna casseroles in home ec; today's courses are enlightening endeavors led by real chefs and often assisted by sommeliers. And few things in life are more sensual than sharing a nosh with a squeeze. Whatever your criteria for taking a class - learning a new ethnic cuisine, tricking out your go-to meal or just pushing food around a plate - you can find a local kitchen to assist.
Hiking
Admittedly, this is the "duh" date in the roster - of course hiking in fall amid brilliantly colored leaves is a romantic, inexpensive and fun thing to do. But when was the last time you actually did it? Those lucky enough to live in turning-leaf hotbeds like New England or Cape Breton don't have to travel far afield to witness the Technicolor glory of the season but the rest of us can make a day of it. Pack a picnic lunch along with your boots and backpacks. That fresh air is certain to have your spirits soaring.
Sunday Brunch
An oldie but a goodie, a leisurely brunch at a favorite local spot accompanied by a fat newspaper and a few café au laits just never gets old. Whether you choose a traditional eggs benny-type breakfast place, a fancy hotel spread, a small, organic café or Chinatown Dim Sum, you and your date can ease into the relaxed pace of the day while swapping stories and nibbles. What you do afterwards is entirely up to you.
Eggs Ahoy - LL Members Say Yea
By Kim Hughes, On 8/30/10 4:14 PM
Tags:
magazine
Aug 30
In the new (and not exactly box-office-conquering) rom-com The Switch, Jennnifer Aniston plays a 40-year-old woman who decides that she is tired of waiting to find Mr. Right in order to have a child. Instead, she wants to find the "right" sperm donor and have a baby on her own.
Anticipating the release of the film, online dating giant Lavalife polled single members to confirm that when it comes finding a mate and starting a family, they're not sitting around waiting for fate to intervene. In a recent poll Lavalife asked members, "Would you donate your sperm or eggs for a friend who wanted to have a baby?"
Hundreds of single men and women made the answer clear: 63% percent of men and 51% percent of women surveyed said yes.
Which just proves that Lavalife members are not only selfless but enormously secure in themselves and their friendships while forward-looking in their approach to contemporary family life.
It doesn't stop there. A recent article by Lisa Daily in Click, discusses how smart, educated women are choosing to have children by themselves in record numbers.
According to the 2000 Bureau of the Census, non-marital cohabitation, separation, and divorce have become more common, as has remarriage. Children living with only one parent (24 per cent) or with "melded" sibships of children from several families (15 per cent) are increasing in number; half of all children in the United States lived or will live with only one parent before reaching adulthood. Most one-parent families (86 per cent) are headed by mothers."
For Lavalife, the goal is simple: offer single men and women the ability to find exactly what they are looking for in a mate. Perhaps the next step in the online community will be a sperm bank.
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