Dating 101: We Can Help
By Kim Hughes, On 11/9/09 2:15 PM
Nov. 9 Recently a writer for the Globe & Mail newspaper approached me asking if I'd be willing to share any can't-miss online dating tips for their readers hoping to enhance their chances of finding success online this fall. Rarely to I get such a direct question or one that I am more eager to answer. I spend a huge amount of time online looking at Lavalife profiles (they pay the bills after all) and I can't begin to tell you how many profiles I see that could be, like, a million times better with just a few small but smart changes. So herewith, the list created for the Globe by me and repeated here. Honestly, if these tips don't improve your game, it might be time to look into professional matchmaking. Five Tips to a Better Online Dating Profile 1. Add more photos or video. We may not like to admit that looks matter but they do: research shows profiles with pictures get eight times the response of those without. Plus, in the age of digital photography, there is simply no excuse for not having multiple images of your fine self engaged in your favorite hobby or on the town with friends. Use pictures to help tell the story of you. 2. Be specific. Generalizations such as 'I like to have fun' or 'I love hanging out with my friends' tell prospective dates nothing since everyone likes to hang out with friends and notions of fun depend on the person. Instead, describe your ideal Sunday morning or best-ever vacation - concrete scene-setters that capture your likes and provide an icebreaker for those wanting to contact you. 3. Use a trusted friend as an editor. It's hard to write about yourself but a pal can make constructive suggestions about where to add detail (your humor/compassion/killer stroganoff recipe) and where to back off (carping about exes, presenting a rigid grocery-list of must-haves). 4. Use Spell Check. You may not think a misspelled word is a big deal but it broadcasts an overall lack of care. Sloppy is never sexy. 5. Keep positive and open-minded. This is hardest but most important. Yes, dating is tough but like everything else, it benefits enormously when approached with humor. Know your absolute deal-breakers (religion, location, kids etc) but be flexible on the rest. No one ever got divorced because their wife was blonde and not brunette. Even dates that don't set your heart racing could lead to a new contact that plays tennis with The One. See, how hard was that?
Toxic Yes but Really Fun!
By Kim Hughes, On 10/26/09 2:20 PM
Oct. 26 Sometimes life is just so weird that the only reasonable thing to do is sit back, breathe deeply and simply watch as events unfurl. While, you know, drinking vodka. But first, a shameless plug: There is a terrific musical on stage in Toronto at the moment: The Toxic Avenger Musical which puts a fresh spin on the early-1980s American cult classic comedy horror film written and directed by Lloyd Kaufman. A NYC production received rave reviews and the Toronto edition (it's currently on stage at the Music Hall) is dynamite and really, really funny. In particular, the cast is fantastic. With five actors filling roughly 128 roles (or so it seems) the production is highly physical and a scream to watch. And everyone can really sing… a great date idea which will provide heaps of conversational fodder for over drinks afterwards. If you go and you score, you can thank me. So yes where was I? Weirdness, that's it. Would you believe a recent Lavalife poll reveals that 32 percent of women think sex is overrated? That may or may not come as a surprise to the guys out there but honestly I kind of expected the percentage to be higher. Some other interesting poll results to chew on: When it comes to scrutinizing a date's body language, 34 percent of men and 36 percent of women say they watch it "like a hawk" while 13 percent of men and 5 percent of women pay body language no heed at all.
When planning dates, 53 percent of men and 63 percent of women describes themselves as "creative thinkers" over spendthrifts (21 and 8 percent respectively) and budget-minded (26 and 29 percent respectively).
If you find meeting face-to-face the most unnerving aspect of dating, you're not alone: 65 percent of women and 42 percent of men cited that over the first telephone call (18 and 28 percent women-to-men respectively) and the first kiss (16 and 31 percent) as the thing most likely to rattle them. Keep that in mind next time you are preparing to take that hot online date offline...
Lies, Liars & Us
By Kim Hughes, On 10/5/09 2:37 PM
Oct. 5 In dating, are all lies bad? That poll question was put to Lavalife members not long ago, garnering the kind of results you might not expect. Of the respondents, 46 percent of men and 53 percent of women said yes. But that means, of course, that 54 percent of men and 47 percent of women said no to the same question. Clearly, the answer isn't as obvious as we might like to believe. Personally, I am a big, big fan of the little white lie. I mean, really, if you can spare someone an ounce of pain, especially over a more-or-less inconsequential matter (say, the fact that you didn't want a second date simply because you weren't attracted) why not go for it? Life, as we all know, is one big fat ball of agony, suffering and hurt. You can walk around your whole life with the sweetest disposition and the best of intentions and still get crushed like a bug the instant you decide to open your heart and let love in. If there is a way of mitigating that, then I am all for it. Switching gears, a big shout out to online news aggregator The Daily Beast which is celebrating its one-year anniversary. If you haven't had a chance to check out this awesome website helmed by the inimitable Tina Brown (see also Vanity Fair, New Yorker), then do yourself a favor and log on now. It's no TMZ, but it's close. It's the clearest sign yet that we have arrived. Last week on Saturday Night Live with host Megan Fox, Lavalife Voice was spoofed. Much hilarity ensured. Scroll down to check out the "Live Lounge" segment here. And yeah, we thought it was pretty damn funny, too.
Clueless… but Funny
By Kim Hughes, On 9/1/09 4:12 PM
Sept. 1 I don't know about you but all this back to school stuff that comes at this time of the year has a weird way of making me reflective about single life and just how tough dating can be sometimes. Yes, yes I know - the key message of being in the single game is to stay positive, focus on the good stuff, persevere and establish a reliable network of contacts you can lean upon in lean times. But the truth is that everyone suffers from diminished optimism from time to time. This is my time. I can honestly say I don’t even want to contemplate a time when I want to contemplate wanting to date again… if that makes sense. So you'll forgive me for wandering into other, possibly murkier areas of discussion than my dating life. But that doesn't mean we can't talk about your dating lives which seem infinitely more interesting at the moment. Here are some recent Lavalife polls. As always, the data is intriguing. When asked, "Sexually, do you think you're normal?" a decisive 60% of male Lavalife members and 62% of female Lavalife members responded "probably yes" while 26% of men and 23% of women answered "actually no." C'est magnifique, non? Still on the subject of sex, when asked if they'd rather have more of it or better sex, 47% of male members said "more" to 53% that said better. Yet among women, fully 71% said "better" with only 29% opting for more. Message to guys: the clitoris is not inside the vagina. On the dating tip, when asked what they simply couldn't date without, most LL males said "my sense of humor" (66%) followed by "positive attitude" (23%) and "fear of being alone" (11%). The breakdown was similar among women. So basically we have a lot of funny people with no clue how to please each other sexually. Kind of puts it in perspective, huh? Some other recent findings: 64% of LL women and 63% of men responded "definitely not" when asked if there are nude pictures of them out there somewhere (and 11% of both sexes are not sure tee hee. Finally, when asked if it's possible to cheat-proof a relationship, 36% of men and 29% of women said "For sure - pile on sex & love" while a whopping 64% of men and 71% of women said "Nope - you can't alter destiny." So sexually clueless funny people destined to cheat? And you wonder why I'm depressed with dating.
To Date, Perchance to Marry
By Kim Hughes, On 8/11/09 3:47 PM
August 12 It is with sadness in my heart that I report our own Indie Girl, whose quest for love etc took her across Canada from sea to shining sea, is about to end things much as they began - without love. Sniff. Well lord knows she gave it the old college try - no better than the old college try. You try scaring up dates in Saskatoon and Winnipeg on the quick. Heck it's hard enough in a large urban center, but Halifax? Victoria? I'm amazed she was able to repress what must have been severe homicidal tendencies… Anyway, I deeply admire her ambition, fortitude and ability to live out of a suitcase for 70 days. And who knows: maybe love is just around the corner as she returns to her home base of Vancouver with renewed (as opposed to crushed) spirit and vigor. Only time will tell.
Dog Days, Howling Nights
By Kim Hughes, On 8/4/09 11:28 AM
August 2009 Is there a finer month than August? No there isn't… at least not in the Northern Hemisphere anyway. So with that in mind, dear readers (both of you), you will forgive my slovenliness in maintaining this here blog. But I can't resist the urge to go out and get hot. Still, in the interest of freshness and blog shelf-life, some items to note: Sarah Rowland's (a.k.a. Indie Girl's) Excellent Cross-Canada Dating Frenzy is in the final stretch and while the ultimate Prince Charming still seems to be eluding her, she sure is getting tons of press coverage. And attention men of Newfoundland: she walks among you but only until this weekend. You can nominate yourself as a potential date at the website of The Telegram. So go already. If you think you're having a so-so dating year, be sure to revisit NYC-based astrologer Cheryl Lee Terry's predictions for 2009 (first published on the site in January). Could be that love (or something like it) is just around the corner. Does the flavor of ice cream you prefer indicate your best love match? Granted it sounds wacky but there is actually scientific data gathered over many years to suggest that such a link exists. Click here to see more. Think you're having a bad day? I promise you actor Michael Douglas's son Cameron's day is much, much worse. Oh yeah and Ryan O'Neal admitted to Vanity Fair magazine that he inadvertently (or was it?) hit on his own daughter Tatum at Farrah Fawcett's funeral. Um… I don't know what to say. Anyway, enjoy this great month, make every day count, mind your Ps and Qs and we'll see you soon. Smooches!
Boobies (& Other Gratuitous Words)
By Kim Hughes, On 7/21/09 4:27 PM
July 22 Apparently 3D movies are set to make a huge comeback while saving the movie industry that's currently under attack by downloaders and peer-to-peer hooligans (content liberators, surely). The reason? Too hard to duplicate the experience at home. Plus, no less a directorial light than James " Titanic/ Terminator" Cameron is going to raise the bar with the forthcoming release of Avatar, reputed to be the most expensive movie ever made and completely 3D. All cool, certainly (well, not as cool as the Doritos site but…). Still, in this economy, with so many people struggling to find or keep jobs and stave off foreclosure, it's kind of hard to wrap one's head around a $300 million movie no matter how sweet the special effects. Or tricked out the theatres it screens in or how sophisticated the 3D glasses you wear to watch it, you know? Still, I suppose that's better news than lots of other stuff going around. Like the garbage strike currently stinking up poor, beleaguered Toronto or the fires scorching B.C. or … you know, any of the terrible stuff that fills the news each day. Oh yes, and dating. How is your dating year going so far? I was at a backyard hen party (I hate that term but it serves me here) this past weekend with a bunch of totally awesome women - basically all single and mysteriously so, in my opinion. True, no one had a model-perfect figure but these gals had just about everything else: terrific jobs, great stories to tell accumulated in the service of those jobs, wit, intelligence, income, looks… you name it. The proverbial grocery list of attributes was on display. And yet… and yet… This scenario plays out constantly all over the world every day and surely not just with women but with groups of men as well. So what are we all waiting for? As we ponder that question (and online dating sites continue to rack up revenue), let's ponder a few more things: "Lindsay Lohan told Mischa Barton she parties too much. -- Am I in an alternate universe? No, seriously, I'm almost afraid to look out the window for fear of seeing cats driving cars. Next you're going to tell me the president's black. *turns on TV* Hooooo. Leeee. Shiiiiiiit." Fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg is definitely having the last laugh after having once lost her own company, according to the New York Times. Ha! Take that skinny bitches! Finally, can someone please tell CNN we've all had enough Michael Jackson coverage? You can practically see Anderson Cooper cringing nightly. It's pathetic. Nothing doing in Iraq or North Korea these days? Jeesh.
Rocking the Whip
By Kim Hughes, On 7/13/09 3:07 PM
July 13 Since when did a salad cream, as my English buddies would call it, become all punk rock? (And isn't it kind of a violation of nature to have the words "salad" and "cream" together at all?) Not sure if the same campaign is running in the U.S. of A., but here in the Great White North, we are being hammered by a new advertising campaign plugging Miracle Whip, the mayo-like dressing most often used as sandwich spread or by your Grandma as the glue holding together her macaroni salad. The tagline "We are Miracle Whip and we will not tone it down" is sprouting up on billboards and TV screens everywhere as cooler-than-thou skater chicks and their hipster consorts cram crackers with spinach dip (presumably made with MW) into their snarling gobs. So who is "we" exactly and what won't be toned down? The zesty flavor of Miracle Whip? Trust me, it ain't that zesty or Grandma wouldn't be mixing it up with chopped celery and onion. Is Miracle Whip now a club where the cool kids hang -- the 2009-era equivalent of the grassy space behind the cafeteria where misfits cut class and smoke doobies? And let's be clear - Miracle Whip can never and will never be as cool as Velveeta ( especially Mexican Velveeta) no matter how much money it throws at advertising. Glad to have that out of the way. Some other thoughts to ponder: La Toya Jackson claims in the UK's News of the World that brother Michael was murdered for money. OK, I guess there could be some substance to that… except if I feared someone had been murdered, my first call would be to the POLICE or the FBI, not the media. I guess I am old fashioned that way. Apparently the key to having better sex is monogamy. Imagine that! What next - quitting smoking is good for you? Ha! That'll never fly… According to research, your favorite ice cream flavor not only reveals important information about your personality traits; it could hold the key to the person you'd be most compatible with in love. All this time, I have been worrying about corresponding political, ethical and musical views in my would-be partner when really all I needed to do was hunt down some dude favorable to strawberry ice cream. Oh the humanity…
A Sort of Adios
By Kim Hughes, On 7/9/09 1:09 PM
July 9 Click Magazine is going through some changes and while many of those changes won't be apparent to casual readers, it's sad to think something we worked so hard for is effectively being shelved. Alas, in recessionary times, the luxury of editorial is just that: a luxury. Apparently. Anyhoo, Sarah Rowland's ongoing dating adventures as Indie Girl will continue until August as planned. Weekly horoscopes by Cheryl Lee Terry will cease for now, as will brand new Sex Advice From… columns lifted from Nerve.com. Also, while we have pretty deep archives there won't actually be many new updates, story-wise. But I hope to maintain this blog. And the last two stories we have going up on Monday (July 13) in our Dating and Intimate communities should be doozies. Check back for more then. Adios.
Sexing up the French
By Kim Hughes, On 7/3/09 11:00 AM
July 3 We already know they are the thinnest and most stylish. Are the French also the sluttiest people in the world? Pretty much, according to a new piece by Click writer Elizabeth Bromstein citing research examining which countries do it the most and enjoy it the most. Apparently, the citizens of Finland aren't doing too badly either. Or the ever-so-yummy British (!). Where the hell was this action when I was backpacking through Europe as a hot twenty-something? Jeesh. More here. Hot, steamy monkey-sex notwithstanding, residents of this big old continent we call home have much to celebrate this month, with Independence Day celebrations under way and Canada Day events just wrapping up. Good times and wiener sales are through the roof! As for the third grouping of people who call North America home (that would be Mexicans, yo - read some books already!) they've already feted Cinco de Mayo so really, it's not that they're being left out of the party but rather that we are catching up to them. Those crafty, savvy Mexicans. ¡Ariba! Also new on the site, a great piece by Lola Augustine Brown that addresses the oft-asked question: where do men and women draw the line between chivalry and sexism? Is a guy opening a door for his date being thoughtful and polite or is he propagating notions of women as the weaker sex? This question actually comes up a lot between modern daters and while Lola's piece may not have the definitive solution to every situation, it does offer solid perspective as well as expert advice and plenty of food for thought. More here. Oh yes and have you heard… apparently Michael Jackson died. It's hardly being covered by the media (that's sarcasm kids). What next -- smoking cigarettes is bad for you? Seriously though, celebrity website TMZ.com has owned this story from the get-go, being the first to report Jackson's cardiac arrest, rush to hospital and his death while reporters for the so-called straight media such as CNN and NBC flapped their arms, sputtered and regurgitated rubbish until the L.A. coroner finally confirmed the death. Not that I am defending TMZ as some kind of beacon of quality journalism -- they are guilty of woefully (not to mention endlessly) exploiting "stories" that have no business being stories. But there does seem to be this lingering sentiment that no real news can emerge from the web-based sources. And that's simply not the case.
9 Words Women Use
By Kim Hughes, On 6/24/09 11:00 AM
June 24 As a general rule, I tend not to spam my friends even with the most clever emails -- you know, the ones with swell quizzes that promise to reveal the real you through your choice of underwear color and favorite TV reality show. Plus, I avoid forwarding stuff… including cat pictures no matter how cute they are which admittedly takes some restraint. Similarly, it is my habit not to disseminate spammed content in my blog either. But rules are made to be broken. This little gem landed in my inbox yesterday and I have to say, it rings pretty damn true. And it's somewhat amusing which helps. It is titled 9 Words Women Use (and What They Really Mean). Yes I know, dumb fun. But fun nonetheless. We still celebrate FUN around here, right? Even amid the multiple layoffs and tanking revenues and... oh never mind. And for the record, my personal fave is item number #3. Away we go:
9 Words Women Use (and What They Really Mean)
1. Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2. Five Minutes If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3. Nothing This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
4. Go Ahead This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it!
5. Loud Sigh This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6. That's OK This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's OK means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7. Thanks A woman is thanking you, do not question or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome.' That will bring on a 'whatever').
8. Whatever Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!
9. Don't worry about it, I got it Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.
Rip, Yank, Tear: It's Wedding Season!
By Kim Hughes, On 6/23/09 11:24 AM
June 23 What's more painful than being a single perched on the cusp of wedding season? Lots. Take bikini waxing, for example. In their hilarious 19-minute documentary Why We Wax, filmmakers Kimberly M. Wetherell and Amy Axelson film a vibrant group of subjects opining (waxing, surely) about the much-touted but highly personal pubic hair removal technique known as Brazilian, including the boundry-busting positions clients must assume to allow aestheticians access to their private parts. Funny yes but kind of disturbing, too, plus it says a ton about vanity, the quest for (perceived) beauty and just how far many people will go to get laid. Clip here. So back to wedding season. As usual, it helps to keep things in perspective. True, it sometimes seems like everybody and his brother is hooking up but it's worth remembering that the current divorce rate is still hovering around the 44 percent mark. Moreover, many single fail to recognize the actual wedding reception for the gift it is: a whole sea of people, some surely single (and under age 70), dressed in their finest with at least one thing in common with everyone else and knocking back cocktails from a free bar. What's not to love about that? Still not convinced? Be sure to read Click writer Lena Katz's guide to surviving virtually any couple-y thing as a single with your sanity and dignity intact. Who knows - you might even snag a honey for a future date at the seemingly least likely singles event ever. And won't that make a great story for your best man to tell at your wedding? This just in: Tonight Show sidekick and product pitchman Ed McMahon is dead at age 86. A pity but a good long life filled with cash and lots of interesting people. RIP old man. Great CNN footage is available here. Remember that next time you're solo and headed to a wedding. Or a waxing salon. We only live once (apparently) and if we’re "lucky" enough to live to be old, we will inevitably be forced to watch our own sad decline while friends around us perish. Good times. Happy Tuesday!
Bathroom Beef
By Kim Hughes, On 6/18/09 10:18 AM
June 18 Some throwbacks are good. Like grilled cheese sandwiches. I had them as a kid, then didn't have them for 100 years and now they seem to be everywhere, including (yeah!) on the menus of hipster-friendly and swanky restaurants. Some throwbacks are bad. Like bathroom attendants. When I was a kid and was dragged out to dinner with the units, it was a total novelty having a lady wearing a white shirt and a black vest lead me to a stall, open the door for me, then turn on the faucet and hand me a towel to dry my hands after my pee-work was done. Of course, in those days, I wasn't the one who had to fling change into the attendant's tip dish for the privilege of that towel. Now I am. And I kind of resent it. Plus, lately, it seems every damn nightclub and restaurant I visit has a bathroom attendant. Where have they been hiding all those years between my childhood and now? And why are they suddenly back en masse? When you think about it, bathroom attendants are symbolic of all that's wrong with the world. Though they are ostensibly there to help, it's really a needless, make-work job. I mean, it's nice and all, but no one really needs help to push open a swinging stall door. And I am pretty much able to wash my hands unassisted thanks to years and years of practice. Kind of resembles banks and governments, huh? Doing stuff for you that they claim is beneficial and charging you a premium for it but really just wantonly sucking up your time and money. Even more depressing, this whole subject has made me realize I am becoming a cranky old bitch much more covetous of my cash. Last night, while attending a function at a local resto to celebrate a friend's birthday (many happy returns Joanne) I honestly felt resentment rise in my throat when, after exiting the stall and heading towards the sink, I was rushed at -- literally rushed at -- by an attendant clutching a towel in unspoken but clear expectation of a tip. I mean really. A tip for a towel? And who the frig needs help hoisting a towel? Seriously, is Wal-Mart not hiring? OK, so with that off my chest (just barely), we move on. Some other random stuff that has me thinking both good and bad thoughts: It's a good time to be a Leo, apparently. Take that Gemini, you suckas! The music and film bonanza (smorgasbörd?) that is North by Northeast is set to descend on Toronto for the next few days. Much fun to be had by all... and you can bet there will be no bathroom attendants handing out towels at those venues hosting bands. Praise Jesus for that.
Our Blogger, My Hero
By Kim Hughes, On 6/16/09 11:01 AM
June 16 Have you been following that Sarah Rowland chick? While the idea of going on 70 dates in as many days is daunting to say the least, you have to give the girl credit -- she is approaching her task with zeal. And pretty damn remarkable stamina. Riding mechanical bulls in Calgary, doing the spa thing in Victoria and she's only two weeks in. Still no sign of Mr. Right, but it is a very interesting concept: the notion that someone can take their romantic life into their own hands and make stuff happen. Part of the reason I think people are responding so positively to this idea is this: nobody believes that career success or education success just happens. We all know we have to work at it to get ahead. Same with losing weight, exercising, making friends… whatever. Yet most of us walk around foolishly believing that happiness is something that just happens, that it needs no special assistance or encouragement. What nonsense. We are just as responsible for creating our own happiness (or at least trying to create our own happiness) as we are responsible for passing a test, quitting smoking, getting a tighter ass or cleaning out the garage. Somewhere in our conscious or subconscious minds, we know we must be more proactive about these things. But we're scared (boo hoo) and frightened of being rejected or hurt. Sarah is showing the world what can be done. Granted, this adventure has taken heaps and heaps of planning (as any 10-week trek does) and it isn't going to unfold without a few bumps and disappointments. But dammit it all, she's going for it. And I say Yeah Sarah! You are an inspiration to us all.
Carmen & Skin Divers at Luminato
By Elizabeth Bromstein, On 6/11/09 4:22 PM
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June 11 It's amazing how much mileage you can get out of love/unrequited love/physical attraction. These things are the basis for a large chunk if not the vast majority of time tested, tried and true tales (brought to you by the letter "T"). Wuthering Heights (doomed love), Romeo and Juliet (forbidden love), Tristan and Isolde (love potion), Rebecca (ghostly love), Madame Butterfly (lost/unrequited love), Sid & Nancy (disgusting punk love), Lady Chatterley's Lover (interclass love/lust), Oedipus Rex (awkward Mom love – OK, that's really about destiny but you get the idea)… Add some sluttiness to the mix and you've got Carmen, the gypsy woman who just can't keep out of everyone's pants and would rather DIE than reign it in, ultimately throwing herself on jealous lover Don José's knife. Man, that is SOME commitment to promiscuity. I think there's probably a little something ironic in there but can't quite put my finger on it… As part of Luminato, the National Ballet of Canada's performance of Carmen was preceded by Skin Divers, a piece set to strings and spoken word that explores the body as the body as "a living archive of experience, or a museum of memory." The Skin Divers dancers were tremendous but the choreography, by Canadian Choreographer Dominique Dumais -- an impressive balance of modern and traditional, liquid and solid, and clearly terribly challenging -- got a little repetitive and monotonous for me. The stage was dark and I found my attention wandering. A naked body with big shots of nipples and hairy bush projects over the stage, is later replaced with images of other body parts. Movement, spoken word, projected images – nobody can say they don't know how to drive a point home. Carmen was rather less difficult to follow. An interpretation of Bizet's opera by Davide Bombana Davide Bombana with music experimentally based around his score, the entire ballet features eleven scenes and is fairly short. I found the entire performance captivating. Heather Ogden, dancing the role of Carmen, did a wonderful job of acting both haughty and tawdry – and her lines are exquisite. Noah Long was strong as Don José and another stand out was Robert Stephan, who danced a powerful Garcia, leader of the bandits and Carmen's main lover. There were a couple of issues. The black costuming was a bit too dark at times -- I prefer more color on the stag, like an infant who needs bright hues to remain stimulated, and the lack of unison among the cigarette girls in scene II was distracting, even if it was deliberate. But these are small quibbles. All in all it was excellent. So what's left of Luminato? Carmen & Skin Divers runs again over the weekend. Then there's this rather intriguing craziness with the Cirque Du Soleil. For the festivals closing weekend, "Cirque du Soleil® presents a special free event created especially for Luminato. This event is an inquiry into the very essence of human civilization. Beginning Friday night, two “communities” will form on the Toronto waterfront: one representing the natural world in which we have our instinctual roots and the urban community, the world we have constructed around ourselves. They’ll make their homes at opposite ends of the site, each in an environment antithetical to their respective world-view. What will happen as the weekend unfolds and the two communities encounter and interact with each other? You’ll have to join in the festivities to find out – but expect to be amazed. Be sure to seize this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to experience Luminato and Cirque du Soleil as never before!" Sounds great.
Still Loving Luminato
By Elizabeth Bromstein, On 6/10/09 2:28 PM
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June 10 Luminato: Toronto Festival of Arts and Creativity continues in Toronto and aren't we lucky? Seriously. This is an amazing festival. This evening is the National Ballet of Canada production of Carmen & Skin Divers. Sayeth the website: "There have been many ballet versions of the story of Carmen, but there has never been one like this groundbreaking, genre-bending re-conceptualization by the provocative Italian choreographer Davide Bombana." Exciting! And of Skin Divers, "Dominique Dumais's reputation as one of Canadian choreography's most important voices is demonstrated beautifully in her new work Skin Divers, inspired by Anne Michaels' book of poetry of the same name." and "Incorporating both spoken word and visual projections as complements to the choreography, Skin Divers explores the concept of 'the body as a living archive of experience, or a museum of memory.'" I'll be there. I can barely wait. Heather Ogden, who recently danced Juliet alongside her real life boyfriend Guillaume Coté in John Cranko's Romeo and Juliet (music by Prokofiev) – an incredible privilege to watch – is dancing the part of Carmen. More on this tomorrow morning. Back to the boyfriend girlfriend dancing the ballet together thing, wouldn't you be SO afraid of getting in a fight before the performance, especially if you're the girl? Because then he could totally DROP YOU out of spite! And claim it was an accident and nobody would be the wiser. Not that I'm suggesting anyone would ever do such a thing, of course. Also at Luminato over the next couple of days – Tales of the Uncanny at Yonge & Dundas Square this evening. One of the first German horror films, Tales of the Uncanny was released in 1919. The screening will feature live accompaniment by Robert Lippok, Owen Pallett and Do Make Say Think. Sounds neat. Also intriguing is Gothic Toronto: Writing the City Macabre. "Come hear some of Toronto's best authors as they wield their poisoned pens over different areas of our city." OK, clearly I'm in a scary mood. That's at 7:30 this evening. So, continuing on a theme. Tomorrow night, there's something called Nevermore by Catalyst Theatre, and it says "Be among the first to take this dreamlike theatrical trip into the bizarre world of Edgar Allan Poe, master of suspense, fascination and dread." Meanwhile, back in the world of hair rock, where we spend far too much of our time around here, did you see what happened to Bret Michaels during the Tony Awards telecast? He got clocked in the noggin by a piece of falling scenery and broke his nose! Then Neil Patrick Harris made a lame joke about giving a whole new meaning to the word " headbanging!" Which is particularly amusing because I don't think anyone ever seriously accused the spandex and lipstick wearing members of Poison of being headbangers. And it's not really a new meaning anyway since he did bang his head and headbanging is about…well…BANGING YOUR HEAD. So, that your brains rattle around and you feel messed up. So HOW IS THAT NEW NEIL PATRICK HARRIS??? Answer me that. Idiot. Doogie frikkin Howser. No, seriously. I'm not really that annoyed. Don’t cry Neil Patrick Harris. Please don't cry. I loved you in Harold and Kumar. Alright I'm lying. I didn't like that movie. But Kim Hughes did. And now she's going to yell at me for not liking it. But I mentioned it anyway. See what I do for you Neil Patrick Harris? See what I do?
Loving Luminato
By Kim Hughes, On 6/8/09 4:33 PM
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June 8 Corny as it may sound, it's hard to imagine a more date-friendly festival than Toronto's Luminato. For once, a catchphrase ("a world of creativity") represents truth in advertising. With music, dance, film, visual arts and literature (to name but five disciplines) represented, only those unlucky enough to be dating garden-variety sociopaths -- or Bon Jovi fans, same-diff in my books-- couldn't find something to enjoy. (Yes, and people with shirtless pictures of Def Leppard members next to their desks are PERFECTLY NORMAL – This is Elizabeth sneaking into your blog entry) Digression #1: Coda to Bon Jovi fans. Save your indignant letters of outrage. Last time I checked, free speech was still an option in North America, which is why you are able to freely worship at the alter of the worst goddamn "rock" music ever made. So live and let live, OK? (Whatever kind of life can it be without Bon Jovi in it? – Elizabeth)
Anyhow, back to Luminato. The festival, which boasts many free events in addition to ticketed performances while pervading every nook and cranny of the city (seriously) for roughly two weeks through to June 14, is a sterling example of artistic egalitarianism at work.
Case in point: kick-off day Friday, June 5. Myself and my gal pal Kelly (hey, they can't all be hot romantic dates) begin the evening at Toronto's much-storied Massey Hall where chick singer/songwriters Emmylou Harris, Shawn Colvin and Patty Griffin saddle up next to guitarist and singer Buddy Miller for a gentle, quietly embracing set of songs best described as Campfire Lite. Lovely if not a rip-roaring performance by any measure. Nevertheless, it was free to me (thanks Liz Parker!), reasonably priced for punters who had to pay and seemed, outwardly at least, to captivate those gathered in the legendary, balconied space. This being Luminato, once Kelly and I had had our fill of the strumming (we weren't so much disappointed with the set as… ah… prematurely satisfied), we hightailed down the street a block or two. There, Randy Bachman -- guitarist, songwriter and statesman extraordinaire, best known for his work with the Guess Who and Bachman Turner Overdrive -- was scorching the assembled with a guitar-goosed set of corkers at Yonge-Dundas Square, more-or-less ground zero of the festival. Best, the performance was free. Digression #2: Without further ado, this needs to be declared in the strongest terms possible: people have a tendency to equate "free" with "of lesser value than that which taxes one's own pocket" which simply could not be further from the truth. 'Nuff said on that (you know who you are, Mr. Can't Shut the Fuck Up). But you get the drift -- two performances on completely different ends of the musical spectrum happening under the aegis of one big honking festival and everyone is happy. No excessive compartmentalization, no rigid stylistic themes, just good performance. As it should be. Back at Yonge-Dundas Square the following afternoon for free, mass dance lessons (salsa, anyone?) it occurred to me that one of the tiny joys of winter is relishing all that is good about summer, like being outside on a Saturday afternoon (sans parka no less) and shaking my butt to the horror-slash-amusement of all and sundry assembled. And who knows -- maybe a date will materialize. Next up: National Ballet, Big Red Balls and 1,000 Tastes of Toronto! Ah Luminato, what can't you do? Check back for daily updates right here folks. In other Click and Lavalife news writer Shawn Conner is tackling the important relationship/mental health issue of the Princess Complex in an article aptly titled The Princess Complex. It's a pop culture phenomenon cum borderline personality disorder. Really, what it makes you is an asshole. Do you have a princess complex? Do you know someone who does? Symptoms include an expectation to be catered to, incessant complaining (i.e., the Princess-and-the-Pea complex) and demanding to be treated "like a precious China doll rather than a flesh-and-blood human." Also new this week, in a real coup for our podcast celebrity dating advice segment, we managed to secure the very busy and important Mel Gibson who was recently seen ranting and raving in church about how he won't be judged for being a homophobic, Jew-hating booze/pussyhound and ditching his wife to knock up that Russian lingerie model… topless dancer? Figure skater? Cocktail waitress? (shrug) So, check out what he has to say. Maybe you'll learn something. Sugartits. Finally, Indie Girl Sarah Rowland continuing her manhunt across Canada, shares her experience in Victoria BC, where the cycle guides supply the man when you need a date. No foolin'! OK, they supplied HER a man and probably wouldn't have an extra one for you since I don't think it's usually what they do but maybe we should rally to make this a common service. God, I have the best ideas ever.
Call to Walk the Line
By Kim Hughes, On 6/5/09 11:18 AM
June 5 It may be clichéd but it's clichéd for a reason: movies, while not recommended for first dates (no chance to chat and get acquainted) generally make great date nights, providing loads of conversational fodder for later over drinks or coffee. Plus, movies are affordable... well comparatively anyway. With that in mind, I must make a recommendation. A new documentary about the late, great Johnny Cash and his pivotal 1968 performance at California's Folsom Prison (and the subsequent album of that performance) gets its Canadian premiere June 19 in Toronto as part of the annual music/film/schmooze-a-thon that is North by Northeast Festival. (I had the chance to see a preview screening). Punters can purchase general admission tickets; for those not in Toronto, I urge (nay command) you to track it down at your local rep theatre or hip video store. While the Folsom performance forms the axis of the film -- it was the clear moment of ascension in Cash's career according to bandmates and family members interviewed for the film -- it also had enormous repercussions for several inmates at the prison. And it sparked a keen interest in prison reform in Cash while (rather ironically) cementing his outlaw image. The film follows all these tangents, and several more besides, functioning as part Cash biography, part cautionary tale of just how damaging prison life can be (especially once inmates are returned to society) and part social commentary on punishment, redemption and love. That's a lot of ground to cover in a scant 87 minutes but director Bestor Cram is a remarkable storyteller and he uses everything possible (archival footage and still photos, original animation, unvarnished, in-depth interviews with Marty Stuart, Merle Haggard, Cash's kids Rosanne Cash and John Carter Cash) to construct this complex but utterly absorbing narrative. Of course, at the heart of the film is the love affair between Cash and wife June Carter Cash, who accompanied him to Folsom and whose onstage banter during that gig and others revealed a performer as confident and funny as she was musical. The Johnny Cash-June Carter Cash love story is an enduring and oft-told one (and never better than in the 2005 biopic starring Reese Witherspoon and Joaquin Phoenix) probably because it contains an obvious magic all of us are searching for: the one true love. Indeed, candid tour bus footage of the pair canoodling and kissing coyly behind a newspaper drives home their easy, almost childlike intimacy; I had gooseflesh just watching. The secondary storylines of former Folsom inmate Millard Dedmon and musician Glen Sherley (who achieved modest fame after leaving the prison thanks to Cash's involvement in his career before tumbling down the rabbit hole) are gripping and heartbreaking. Johnny Cash at Folsom Prison is a gem and one of the best documentaries I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot. Guaranteed date catnip. Go now.
Today's Blue Plate Special
By Kim Hughes, On 6/1/09 3:22 PM
June 1 As if modern women knee-deep in dating didn’t already have enough to worry about (the hair! the weight! the hideous profile shot!). Now comes word that a new "disorder," if you can call it that, has arrived and taken its place in the queue alongside all those other worries and woes. 'Modern Female Dating Anxiety,' covered this week by Click writer Elizabeth Bromstein, is the term coined by authors Ryan Browning Cassaday and his wife Jessica Cassaday (he's a life coach, she's a clinical psychologist and sex therapist) referring to "a condition that we are seeing among modern females whereby a woman who can manage stress very easily in other areas of her life reacts to this very localized dating stress and experiences physical, emotional and mental symptoms that cause great distress." In other words, Miss Suzie Q can handle the shark-eat-shark corporate world, manage her finances and retirement savings with aplomb, juggle multiple family/friends with ease, keep her social calendar packed but is positively hopeless and unglued when it comes to romance and dating. And why? Because, according to the authors, there are just too many ways to go about managing dating; all those unanswered texts, emails and voicemails are driving us nuts. As Bromstein notes in her piece, "In the movie He's Just Not That into You, Drew Barrymore's character complains about getting rejected by seven different technologies, a very true-to-life gripe. And all that rejection is taking its physical and emotional toll." While MFDA may be dubious as a disorder, it is quite likely to emerge as a buzzword for modern daters in 2009. So… now you know. If nothing else, it makes an interesting ice-breaker at the next cocktail mixer. And, as your mom used to say, forewarned is forearmed so be sure to read all about it before leaving the site. On a happier note, writer Lisa Daily weighs in this week with an especially timely piece, 7 Must-Have Summer Flings (subtitle: Affairs Everyone Should Get Out of their System Before they Settle Down). Highlights include: · The Foreign Fling · The Out of Your Age Range Fling · The Pretty but Shallow Fling · The What the Hell Was I Thinking Fling · The Deeply Intellectual Fling · The Wildest Sex of Your Life Fling · The Round 2 with Your Ex Fling
The Tao of Archie
By Kim Hughes, On 5/29/09 10:29 AM
May 29 Yesterday a reporter for Global TV sought comment from me on the apparently earth-shattering news that Archie, title character of the well-worn comic book series had, after 67 years of bouncing between two girlfriends, proposed to brazen, brash, rich-kid Veronica, leaving sweet, gentle Betty in the dust. This was apparently a big deal… if one can use the amount of media coverage the story generated to gauge how deeply it seared the psyche of the great unwashed. The Global reporter asked me if Archie's choice had any real-world dating equivalent. It actually may, and it raises a few interesting questions. For one thing, Veronica is brunette and Betty is blonde. Usually, the casting goes the other way, with the brunette as the loyal, dependable, smart one and the blonde as the wily minx up to no good other than feeling good. Also, based on reader comments posted on various websites covering the story, most people felt that Betty was the better choice simply because she was so stoic and kind and that Veronica, all full of herself and armed with Daddy's credit card, didn't deserve the affections of well-meaning if somewhat dim Archie. I read the situation a little differently. Yes, these are cartoon characters but why is it that women can only be one of two possible dimensions? It's a feminist nightmare -- you are either a doormat or a slut, Madonna or whore and not some fascinating, push-pull combination of both with a little Michelle Obama thrown in for kicks. While both archetypes boast cheering sections, neither has many shades of grey. And that story unfortunately does have real-world equivalents. Despite everything, we still tend to boil women down into neat bundles, overlooking their complexity.
That's especially true in dating. And I hate to say it but women themselves are often guilty of perpetuating these stereotypes as anyone who has spent any time reading online Lavalife profiles (the 'In My Own Words' section) can attest. The worst offenders are the list-makers -- you know the ones. They tell you they are just as comfortable in jeans as slinky dresses, pumps and sneakers. Yeah, we got it -- you're an enigma wrapped in a riddle wearing Parasuco and Kenneth Cole. Tell us something we don't know. It's true that men also tend to be categorized -- in fact everything from underwear to sandwiches tends to be categorized. It's the only way each of us can compartmentalize and manage the bushels of information hurled at us every day. But maybe the essence of the Archie/Veronica engagement story is this: we should always remind ourselves to step back and try to see the big picture beyond the obvious. Maybe Veronica challenges Archie in a way Betty does not. Or maybe Betty is a freak in the sack and Archie's tastes run more vanilla. Who knows? We must always challenge our instant notions in order to keep ourselves free of cobwebs and dusty, outdated preconceptions. It's a tall order, but one worth going for.
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