To Tell or Not To Tell?

I just caught sight of my best friend's current fling swapping spit with some other guy at a nightclub. Should I tell my friend what I saw or pretend it never happened? I'm totally torn. -- Juan

Brent Says:

Yikes! That's a toughie. You want to do right by your friend, but if you tell him it may permanently damage your friendship -- shooting the messenger, you know. On the other hand, some cheaters are repeat offenders.

I'm torn, but I'd talk to the fling about what you saw and see what she says. If she cares about your friend she'll already be feeling extremely remorseful about the whole thing. Tell her you're willing to overlook it ONE time if she promises never to do it again. Make it clear that if you find out about another incident, she'll be busted faster than an Olsen Twins movie goes straight to video. If she shows no remorse, she's playing your pal. Toast 'er.

Kelly Says:

Friendship is a package deal. Yes, you get to reap the wondrous benefits of having a bud with whom you can share your deepest, dirtiest secrets, but being someone's friend also means committing yourself to an unwritten oath of trust, a solemn spit-in-the-handshake kind of promise. As a teenager, the oath "I swear I'll tell you if I hear of any unfaithfulness" crossed my lips more than once. Although I am no longer a teeny-bopper who has sleepovers with my girlfriends (sorry to break the fantasy, boys), I still take the vow seriously.

I'm guessing, Juan, that you'd want to know the truth if your roles were reversed. Rather than trying to figure out what your friend may or may not want to know, let honesty be your guide.

To Move or Not To Move?

Some of my girlfriends make it totally obvious when they want to meet a guy or get hot and heavy. Others shyly wait for the guy to come to them. Slutty or simply bold -- what's the consensus on women who make the first move?

-- Stacey

Kelly Says:

First impressions last a lifetime. Although most movers and shakers feel that women who take the intimate initiative are refreshing, confidence-building turn-ons, the approach is the determining factor, setting the stage for all subsequent interactions.

A woman who pushes too hard for the pickup -- ignoring other chiquitas in the room and unnaturally lighting up around said dude, or denying the uncomfortable pickup-ee an opportunity to decline -- is crossing the licentious line. (On the other golden slipper, women who don't drop any breadcrumbs will never meet their frog-cum-prince.) As cheesy as it sounds, making the initial overture in your own natural, unforced way -- from a subtle, seductive, across-the-room stare to asking, "Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?" -- will be seen in a positive light.

Brent Says:

"Awesome" is the boys' consensus about women who make the first move, Stacey. As a guy who has been on the receiving end of this, and as someone who is rather shy about meeting strangers, I can tell you that I'm pleasantly surprised whenever a woman approaches me. Besides, guys who make the first move often get shot down or looked at like they're "players," so if the woman acts first it lets the guy relax and get to know her instead of nervously wondering how long he has before she fakes a brain embolism.

As for the "slut" moniker, does anyone (besides jealous, not-getting-any female types) use the term any more? If you're having fun and not hurting anyone, then what you do sexually is no one's business but your own. As for the guy you're hitting on, the overly promiscuous thing doesn't even enter into his thinking.