Dating a Snoopy Dog

I caught my girlfriend going through my wallet again. I've told her I don't like it, but she keeps doing it. She says that if I have nothing to hide it shouldn't bother me, but I think it's an invasion of privacy. Who's right?

-- Ethan

Brent Says:

Tell Harriet the Spy to hit the road. Snooping shows a lack of respect and trust, both of which are key elements of a healthy relationship. Imagine spending the rest of your life without a shred of privacy and you can see where this relationship is heading: paging Mr. George Orwell. And the lack of trust, Ethan. She obviously has some sort of baggage that won't let her believe the best of you. If you can't trust someone, you can't love him. And her insecurities will only get worse if you ignore them. Sorry to say, but if you respect yourself you'll tell her to take her CSI skills elsewhere.

Kelly Says:

Ah, so you're dating a Snoop Dog. You're right, it is an invasion of privacy and you are entitled to feel pissed. And it sounds like she's a repeat offender, too! Is she looking for incriminating hotel receipts or condom wrappers suggesting infidelities, or is she trying to skim off a $20 or two from your wad of bills? Not that the details matter, really: only insecurity and distrust could be the motivating factors behind her snooping through your wallet. Tell your girlie that she has nothing to worry about but that in principle her snooping gets your goat. If she does it again, it's time to look at the bigger issues in your relationship.

Keeping Secrets After a Break

My girlfriend and I just got back together after a month-long break. Although we'd dated for two years before that, I don't think I'm a bad person for not telling her about the chick I slept with while we were apart. I think she'd feel otherwise, though, and I'm starting to feel guilty. What do you think?

-- David

Kelly Says:

I don't think there's one right answer here. In theory, I agree that you're not a jerk for keeping your secret under wraps. You were, after all, on a temporary split. But the fact that you're weighed down by guilt suggests that you feel she's entitled to know the steamy scoop because your relationship is one where openness is paramount.

Would you feel like crap if she told you she'd frolicked with another dude in that same time? Would all hell break loose if you found out later from a buddy about the racy one-nighter? If you answered yes to either of these questions, you'd best break the ice and tell her the truth about your "on-a-break" encounter.

Brent Says:

Your girlfriend may not take kindly to the fact that you jumped so quickly into another bed during a break -- even though that's the natural reaction of most guys when dealing with a breakup. It's a scientifically proven fact: women get their hair cut and men get laid. Provided you practiced safe sex so you won't pass on any nasties, it's none of her business. There is an inherent risk in this approach, however. Imagine that you and your girlfriend bump into the other woman. Yikes! In your girlfriend's mind, you've caused her a major social embarrassment. Feel that cold front moving in?

So, ethically you can keep mum, but politically it might be best to fess up and save later trouble. That's assuming that telling her won't cause a breakup, in which case, you might want to risk it.