Infertile Ground for Romance

I have a medical condition that makes it so I can't have children. At what point do you tell someone you're dating that you're infertile?

-- Cheryl

Brent Says:

I appreciate that this must be a difficult topic to discuss and it's a good question. I think the right answer is different for everyone, but personally I'd want to know about something like this as soon as I started getting serious about you. If we were casually dating it wouldn't matter but I want biological children so I'd have to think long and hard about marrying someone with your condition. So, until your relationship is getting serious, focus on getting to know your partner. Yes they may ultimately have a problem with not being able to have biological children. On the other hand, people overcome all sorts of psychological barriers when they fall in love. He may decide it's worth adopting or not having children at all in order to have your love in his life. Concentrate on finding Mr. Right, Cheryl, and save this conversation for when you've found him.

Kelly Says:

According to a 2002 survey by the National Survey of Family Growth, the infertility rate is two per cent of the population. So you would think that the high occurrence of this condition would make the rest of us somehow more sympathetic and understanding. I'm afraid, however, that this isn't the case. Infertility isn't something people talk about at dinner parties or while instant messaging. And I wouldn't think it appropriate first-date conversation either. It's not exactly healthy to be sizing up your new acquaintance as a potential dad before they've even become your friend or lover. But waiting until you've moved in together isn't fair either, as there's some assumption then that you're in this for the long haul, and babies may be part of that picture.

As relationships start to get serious -- and by serious, I mean talking about the future in months rather than hours -- most couples naturally find their way into conversations about expectations and wishes for family. This would be the best time to talk about your infertility, difficult as it may be.

Sex a Tall Order?

I'm about 5'5" and my boyfriend is 6'4" -- any good tips on having sex with a taller man?

-- Jessica

Brent Says:

I can't see the height difference posing that much difficulty. If you're 69-ing, for instance, your bits and pieces probably line up better than they would for people of closer heights. Doggy-style? You'll have to lower yourself much less so it should be more comfortable. And Missionary? Your faces may not line up while you're pounding away but how often to you need to kiss while fucking anyway? Really, if he fits into you and it feels good, all is well. There is no perfect height coupling for sex. The world's tallest man, Bao Xishun, who stands 7' 9" tall, is married to a woman only one inch taller than you. If they can make the magic happen in the bedroom, so can you.

Kelly Says:

At first it may seem like a hurdle to get horny with a heighty dude. For horizontal dirty dancing, the obstacles are fewer than with other positions, but in most instances, the use of pillows can accommodate. Standing-up sex without support can be tricky: try using a wall for leverage, and -- if facing each other -- get him to lift and hold one of your legs up around his waist. If doing the dog, get him to kneel behind you while you stand or simply align your midriffs by standing on pillows or a stepping stool. (Consider yourself lucky to be small with a tall guy: co-horting with a shortie behind you can feel like you're wearing a backpack.) A height difference between lovers has its benefits for those after-sex moments too: what's better than nuzzling into the crook of his neck and dozing into dreamland?