Men Scarred by Fake Boobs?

I have had breast augmentation surgery and I have scars on my breasts and they've hardened. I'm afraid of having sex with the guy I've been dating for five weeks because I don't know what his reaction will be. I've avoided having any relationship because of this problem. And I don't know how to resolve this with this guy.

-- Sabinne

Brent Says:

I'm guessing he already knows you've had it done, Sabinne, but in case he doesn't I'd just sit him down and tell him about the augmentation. Tell him you wanted him to know before things went any farther. You can couch it as being honest and open with him (which you are). Then you can either tell him about the scars or wait until you're in the moment. Since you've already revealed your "secret," it won't come as a total shock. Let me just say one thing. You shouldn't be embarrassed about the scars at all. Everyone (even Angelina Jolie and Jessica Alba) have things about their body that they hate. Nobody is perfect (well, Jessica Alba is close, actually). My point is that he should love the whole package, not get caught up with the little individual parts. If he really digs you, the scars won't faze him.

Kelly Says:

It's not clear what you're self-conscious about here, Sabinne. Are you worried he's going to be turned off sexually by the scars or unhappy with the fact that you got a boob job? If it's just the actual scars you're feeling funny about, rest assured that everyone's got insecurities about at least one body part, including your current love interest. If he's into you, he'll be into your scars too. Be proud of your quirks -- they can actually add to your appeal. If, on the other hand, you regret having the breast augmentation surgery altogether, then you have -- ahem -- bigger things to worry about than what your date thinks.

Going Dutch on Friends with Benefits

Who pays for the date when you are both casual dating, have had sex a couple of times, but have never talked about being exclusive? Both profiles remain online. Basically friends with mutual benefits, at least so I thought. In this particular instance, I feel that since I am not courting or pursuing her, I see no need to pay, as per the old-fashioned standard of showing interest. The other thing that concerns me is the fact that it is the year 2007 and some women still want to be treated like it is 1940. I can and could pay, but I also want a woman who is able to sustain herself.

-- Ian

Kelly Says:

So, you don't like a girl who wants to be wined and dined. Big deal. Some singles (guys and chicks both) maneuver their way through the dating world with one set of traditional expectations, and others with a different, more modern set. Don't blame the dating pool. The onus is on you to make better, more appropriate fish-in-the-sea selections. As for the scenario you described, it sounds like she's similar to you in her approach to hooking up. But if you want to be sure before getting more serious, why not just talk to her about it? You may find that she feels just as strongly about paying half as you do, or even that it gets her goat when other women stand back and play the role of courtee. Don't let this issue drive you apart when it could actually bring you closer.

Brent Says:

Sounds like somebody is a cheapskate. Time to man up, Ian. Pay for dinner. And it's not because you're the man and she's the woman. It's because it's a nice thing to do. It's because it should make you feel good to do something for someone else. It's because you should care enough about her feelings to make her feel good. And, yes, she should offer to pay sometimes, but don't keep score. If you can afford to pay, just pay. Now, there are men and women out there who use others for free stuff, so you should be concerned if she never offers to pay. And if you get the sense she is using you for free meals you'll have to decide whether it's worth what you're getting out of the relationship. That being said, aren't you using her for free sex?