Losing At Low Maintenance

I am (I believe) low maintenance. I don't cause drama, don't demand flowers and high-cost dates. I'm fun, easy and low-key, which is what guys tell me they like. We have great sex, great fun and great conversation. Then, after a couple of months, they want to break up. They're confused, they say. Because, I'm "a really great girl." Beautiful, smart, confident, independent -- all the things they're looking for. They know they should feel differently, but there's just no spark. Do I lack that "je ne sais quoi?" I am so confused because there seem to be girls out there that guys fall head over heels for who are so high maintenance and demanding...I can never be that and worry that without drama and angst and a need for a night in shining armor, I will be alone forever.

-- Mary

Kelly Says:

There's nothing alluring about a woman who's just high maintenance, Mary, but lots of delusional guys go for girls who appear this way because these chicks give them something to chase -- and chase is an integral part of attraction. It's one thing to be independent and confident (other alluring qualities in a single), but there's got to be some mystery to you too. Guys need to feel like they are going for something that is somewhat above them -- in class, intellect, physical attractiveness, financial status or whatever their schtick is. If you're giving it all up too early in the dating game, that mystery advantage (in other words that "je ne sais quoi") falls flat. Try holding back a little, keeping some details about your personal life or circle of friends to yourself. Try putting a little "quite contrary" into your Mary, Mary.

Brent Says:

Don't become that high maintenance girl, Mary. You sound like you're doing all the right things. What you're asking is the female equivalent of a man asking "Why do women always want to date assholes?" The answer is, some men want high maintenance women, and some men don't. Personally, I've never understood it. I like women who are down to earth and fun and like hanging out and having hot sex. A high maintenance girl is a total turn off for me. And, would you really want to date a guy who was into high maintenance girls? I don't think you'd really be compatible. Right? Look, you simply haven't met the right guy yet. Hold out for him He's out there somewhere.

Too Few Fish in The Sea

I am 32 and am having a hell of a time trying to find a decent girl where I live. For the most part, they are younger than me, or if they are my age, they have no interest or have way too many problems than I could never deal with! I also have a problem asking those of any interest out on a date for fear of meeting someone like I was with recently! In desperate need of help and ideas!

-- Brad

Brent Says:

Dude, you're afraid to ask out women you're interested in for fear you won't want them once you get to know them but that's the basic principle of dating. You ask someone out and get to know them better to figure out if you're compatible. Can't really help you if you don't take a chance. I've got one guarantee for you: if you never go out on dates with women you definitely won't find one you like. Try meeting likeminded people through your interests. For instance, if you're a runner, join a running club. If you like poetry, go to poetry readings. It narrows the pool of people you are encountering and will likely yield better results in the long run.

Kelly Says:

You have one thing right, Brad: you are in desperate need of help. You sound picky, age-biased, insecure and yet somehow full of yourself, as well as emotionally upset about a past relationship and not yet ready for a new one. Finally, you don't seem to know anything about asking a clear question. Without a good question, it's damn near impossible to give you a good answer. Too many missing details. What I can tell you is this: you can't let your fears about potential dating disappointments lead the course of your single life. You'll never give anyone a chance that way, and if you don't risk a little, you'll never get a thing. Trust that you learned something from your last relationship disaster and that you'll recognize any similar pattern in time to jump ship.