STD SOS
I am dating a girl who has Herpes Type 1 and she doesn't seem to be bothered by this. In fact, she's OK with having unprotected sex. So far nothing has happened, but I am getting too nervous and have started using protection. Am I crazy or is she just not concerned about spreading this disease? Should I run now (or sooner!)?
-- David
Kelly Says:
The answer to all your questions is YES. Yes, you are lasciviously loco (for having had unprotected sex). Yes, she is acting irresponsibly about the risks of spreading the disease. And yes, you should run now. Let me explain. I'm not suggesting you hit the high road because she's carrying an STD and therefore isn't worth the extra effort when it comes to foolin' around. I'm telling you that she's not girlfriend material because she treats you without respect. It's true that many carriers of the herpes virus are pros at knowing exactly when they are contagious, but there is always a risk. It's also true that everyone is responsible for their own well-being in terms of protecting themselves against STDs. A few sessions of bareback are hardly worth the possible outcome of carrying the herpes virus around for the rest of your life. If she cared for you (and because she -- more than you -- knows all about the disease), she would insist you wear a rubber.
Brent Says:
David, you need to talk to your doctor about this one, either alone or together with the girl you are dating. In doing some quick research, it seems that your girlfriend's attitude is common among herpes sufferers. Most with Herpes Type 1 view it as the "less serious" herpes. They associate it with the occasional cold sore and tend not to worry about spreading it. In reality both viral types are easily transmitted and both are serious. Yes, Type 1 is generally less serious, but it can still lead to health complications. So, talk to your doctor. Get advice about protecting yourself and follow it. And if she doesn't want to join you in protecting yourself, she doesn't care enough about you and you should get out of the relationship.
Co-Ed Dread
My boyfriend seems to have a problem with me having a male roommate, even though my roommate is a friend of the family. What should I do?
-- D
Brent Says:
Yeah, some guys have trouble with this one. It's not really all that uncommon. Your boyfriend is probably imagining scenarios in which your roommate can get it on with you. He's jealous, he's worried and he's nervous about your roommate stealing you away. And, let's be honest, it's not like it has never happened. Your roommate has the advantage of being there when you feel down and need cheering up or just want to watch a movie on the couch. All of the proximity time can sometimes lead to feelings developing between you, even if he is a friend of the family. So, you need to reassure your boyfriend that you aren't interested in the roommate and you need to do it frequently. He will feel insecure about it time and again. So be prepared. Also, see if you can help the two of them become friends. That would go a long way to increasing his comfort level.
Kelly Says:
Stupid, stupid boys. Your lover likely feels threatened by the presence of the male roommate (although he'd never phrase it that way because that would portray him as weak, jealous and insecure -- oh no no, he'd never have that.) If there's any hope of solving this dilemma without splitting up either your relationship or your living situation, your lover and this family friend of yours are going to have to come to an unsaid understanding. My advice would be to try to socialize and spend time together -- as three people or as part of a group. Right now, the housemate is the devil your boyfriend doesn't know, which is worse than the devil he could know... or even be friends with. So long as the roommate truly doesn't have any sexual or romantic feelings for you and vice versa (be honest with yourself when you consider that possibility), there's a good chance that over time your boyfriend will come to accept the truth about your platonic relationship with the male roommate.
