Part-time Lover Blues

When my man and I are together alone, he is affectionate and super warm and sexual. When he's not with me however, I seem to be out of sight and out of mind. He wants a girlfriend for a part of the week then he dodges me whenever he has plans with his friends. He avoids my calls and texts for the entire weekend, probably because he's scared I'd invite myself (which I never would). When I ditch him, he comes back to me and reels me back in. I'M SO FRUSTRATED! He takes no interest in my friends either, but he tells me I'm one of his best friends. He seems to like that it pisses me off and hurts me. It's a constant disappointment, but it's still too hard to let go. I hate what he's doing to me.

-- Pauline

Kelly Says:

This is a no-brainer. Lose the guy and work on nurturing your confidence back to health (it sounds seriously damaged). He's either boinking a bunch of other low self-esteem women on the nights he's not with you or he's just a boys' boy who doesn't care enough about you to introduce you to his posse. Either way, he's jerking you around and you deserve better. Who wants a loser boyfriend who takes no interest in meeting your circle of friends, ignores you at his convenience and takes sadistic pleasure in your emotional pain? He tells you you're one of his best friends, and you believe him -- with loyalty like that? I wonder how he treats his other chums, his parents, etc. How would he treat his future kids? This guy is about as relationship-worthy as a dildo. Come on, Pauline. Get a grip.

Brent Says:

Pauline, the guy is a schmuck. Let me give it to you straight: He doesn't want a girlfriend, he wants someone he can fuck when he's horny. That's why he doesn't call you on weekends when he has plans with his friends. He doesn't want you to be part of his life. He's trying to keep you cocooned away so he can control the situation -- and you. Why does he come running back when you ditch him? He wants the convenience of girlfriend-free sex. If you think I'm wrong, stop having sex with him and tell him that you want him to take you out and do normal girlfriend-boyfriend stuff. You want to go to movies, to dinner. You want to meet his friends. When he balks at that, you'll know he's playing you. Dump him and find someone who wants to love you. You're worth it.

Friday Fling Fast Forgotten?

OK, I met someone. We chatted online first, then progressed to the phone. At our meeting it was great!!! We seemed to get along well, felt very comfortable with one another, and I believe there was attraction (he was the one who kissed me). Long story short: we ended up spending pretty much the whole weekend together, even though there was no sex involved. We have only talked once or twice since that weekend (he expressed how much he thought we had in common), but nothing in the last two weeks. Should I take that as "he's not into me" or is there a way to ask, "Hey, what's up?" without seeming too pushy?

-- Kellie

Brent Says:

I think you're perfectly within your rights to ask that question. He gave you all the signals that he was into you and you should expect that to be followed up with some sort of overture. Even if he's too busy to get together he should give you a heads up. So contact him, but don't be needy or pushy. Tell him you that you thought you guys really hit it off and were wondering why he hasn't contacted you in the last two weeks. Tell him that you're not trying to pressure him and are fine either way but just want to know where things stand.

Kelly Says:

You're definitely entitled to a what's-up email or call. Even if you'd only enjoyed one flirty-but-sex-free date together (rather than the entire weekend), there's nothing wrong with stepping up to the plate to get in touch. The trick is to keep it casual, simple and relaxed, so that you come across as friendly rather than freaky. Besides, there's a chance he's waiting for you to make the next move (since it sounds like you're not exactly one for instigating things), and it's better to find out where you stand with him now than wonder forever where things might have gone if you'd just followed up. But yes, you're right, it's important to be prepared for the chance that he's not creaming his pants to get into yours.