Playing the Numbers Game

I've been in a relationship with a woman for a few months, and the other night she asked me how many people I'd been with before her. I wouldn't answer, and we got in a big scrap about it. Should I just tell her, or am I right to hold this info back?

-- Chuck

Brent Says:

Chuck, my man, you did the right thing. Never, ever, under any circumstances tell a woman how many others you've slept with. The exception is when she's the first, in which case she already knows. (Trust me.) See, I'm of the opinion that it's a trick question. Tell her you've only slept with a couple of women and she'll think something's wrong with you because you can't get laid. Say you've slept with 20 and she'll feel like the fuck du jour and wonder about your real motives. Would you want to know how many men she'd slept with? Never.

The truth is that it doesn't matter what went on before. You're together now, and all of your previous experiences were just branches in a path that led to her. Awwww....

Kelly Says:

Interestingly, around friends, women generally downplay the number of partners they've boinked, while men brag about their tally. When it comes to pillow-talk confessionals, however, everyone seems to get prickly about the subject. Why is that?

Some guys are turned off by a woman who's had a sexually active past -- more so than women are by men with the same number of notches in their belt. Perhaps this is leftover prudish Victorian morality at play. Whatever the reason, when confronted with this question (perhaps posed because of performance insecurities?), consider what direction you want the relationship to move in. If you'd like to be tangoing six months down the road, 'fess up. You can't build a relationship on lies. On the other hand, if this is going to be a weeklong bonanza, keep your salacious secrets to yourself.

The Slippery Slope

I want my girlfriend to hit a strip club with me. I think it would be totally hot, but she's not sure about the whole idea. What do you guys think?

-- Brad

Kelly Says:

I'd say your girlfriend is a wise woman. I hate to give the expected chick response -- believe me, I do. But having been to both male and female clubs, I've discovered first-hand that they're not for everybody.

What do you think it would be like? Are you secretly hoping she'd get tipsy on $12 Coronas and start making out with an exotic dancer for your visual pleasure? Think again. If you're looking for something erotic to do together, bring the strip club home by offering to shave a salacious, stripper-inspired pattern into your girlfriend's crotch. Or perform your own personal strip tease. Now that's hot.

Brent Says:

Hmm. I'm torn on this one, Brad. It really depends on your girlfriend. It could be a really hot way to get turned on. Or perhaps you're after her to give you a private routine and want to use the trip for research. OK, I can buy that, too. Problem is, she may not be that into it and instead use the trip to find out what you actually do in a strip club. See, most women think (rightly or wrongly) the worst of their boyfriend's behavior in a club. I foresee a night of you trying furtively to watch the strippers, while her eyes are glued on you, compiling evidence for the next time you want to hit a stag or BNO. Do yourself a favor. Buy a strippercize course for her next birthday and keep the strip club for yourself.