I had a good laugh at the scene where Allen, talking to his psychiatrist, says that he and girlfriend Annie hardly ever have sex.
"Maybe three times a week," Allen's character Alvy Singer laments. We then see Annie telling her psychiatrist that they do it "constantly; I'd say three times a week."
While there definitely can be a gap in perception between what constitutes a good amount of sex, a big gap between actual sex drives can be debilitating to an otherwise healthy relationship. If one partner feels like they are 'giving in to' sex and the other feels they have to 'convince' their partner to have sex, a great deal of resentment, stress, and guilt can build up for both parties.
I hate to get all Dr. Phil on you, but communicating with your partner is so important here. Dr. Patricia Love, co-author of Hot Monogamy, says that when the libido gap is ignored, it just gets wider. In her words, "Tiny differences get exaggerated over time... If someone consistently approaches you for sex before you experience any desire, you eventually lose your sexual appetite."
So, talk about it with each other. If you can, split the difference between what you and your partner think is a good amount of sex. Remember, sex is not a side issue. It's a cornerstone of your relationship, so you should make it a top concern. Luckily, sex therapist, Dr. Roger Libby, says "If both partners are willing to make sex a priority, then there's a pretty good shot at making that happen."
Have Sex Anyway
Think of a time when you may not have really had a burning desire to have sex, but did it anyway. The odds are that you had a good time in the end.
Dr. Rosemary Basson, sexual medicine consultant at the Vancouver General Hospital, explains that it all has to do with what gear we're starting in. Those with higher sex drives will be all revved up and starting from a higher gear. As Dr. Basson puts it, "You have to be prepared to start from neutral, at least sometimes."
As long as you get to the same place in the end, whichever gear you start in shouldn't really matter.