To him, the bro code can be summed up simply: "A man's only as good as his word."

 

"My take has always been that it's basically about unconditional loyalty," Dennis W. writes in an email. "This has, I think, great value for those unlucky enough to go to war, but is probably more trouble than it's worth for those of us in strife-free civilization."

 

Now married, he finds the bro code has less relevance to him. "A lot of the bro code is about the pursuit of women. So, it's not so important to me anymore. I still hold the power to cock-block I suppose, and I'll do it if I think the girl deserves better. That's against the bro code but it does conform to my code of human decency."

 

In his book Guyland, Dr. Michael Kimmel writes about what he calls "the Guy Code," where mottos like "bros before hos" get in the way of mature relationships. 

 

"If you lived that code all the time you would be a spectacularly terrible father or friend," says Kimmel. "You'd have to suppress all your ethical sense for the good of the brotherhood. The Guy Code is what inhibits men from developing into the kind of men they can become. And the kind of men we want to become -- we want to be good fathers, good partners, good husbands, good friends."

 

Then again, there are some bro codes that are just good sense. "There's the code regarding sticking up for one another and 'having each other's backs,'" says Michael K.

 

That code was broken for him years ago, when his band was playing a dive-y bar. A group of "drunk douchebags" came in from the strip club next door and picked a fight with someone at the bar, so Michael stepped in to try to break it up.

 

"I thought three on one was unfair. I was honoring the bro code for a complete stranger."

 

The next thing he knew, he says, two of the drunks turned on him. "Pretty soon the bouncer steps in and kicks out the three drunk guys, all the while my 'bandmates' who you'd think would honor the bro code more than anyone, are just sitting at the back of the bar laughing. Apparently at one point one of them even said, 'Hey is that Mike over there getting beat up by those two guys.' And still they did nothing to come to my defense.

 

"I have thought less of them ever since."