"It's one thing if it's technically not a good experience -- it's another if someone is treating you a certain way," says Smith. "It could indicate something about their character if you say, 'I'm uncomfortable; no I'm not going there.' But they take you there anyway.

 

"That may be an indication that that person is not going to be very aware or sensitive to what your needs are... so that disrespecting boundaries has its own concerns to it."

 

Whatever the underlying issue is behind your disappointing inaugural screw, Smith recommends talking about it with your partner as soon as tactfully possible (i.e. don't wait six months).

 

"By then things aren't necessarily past the point of no return -- but it's going to take a bit more work to get it back on track," says Smith before adding, "or it could even end a relationship."

 

Along with acting fast, it's emotionally imperative that you handle with care when broaching the subject of bad first sex.

 

"My experience as a therapist is that when it comes to people's sexual self, the issues cut to the core pretty quickly because we identify with our sexual self so intimately," says Smith, who suggests breaking the ice with an opener like, 'I'm really into you. I don't know why that didn't work out....?'

"Basically, anything to diffuse the potential of a misunderstanding," he adds.

 

And if you can do it in a flirty post-coital way, so much the better.

 

"I think guys are often sensitive to having serious conversations or being nailed down in some way," says Smith. "But I think there are ways of being sort of playful about it."

 

Of course, if all else fails remember the old adage, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

 

"If there's an opportunity to have a second experience or a third experience maybe those [issues] can get smoothed over or understood," says Smith.

 

In other words practice, practice, practice!