Talk to Your Partner
Once you feel grounded again, it's probably safe to broach the subject and figure out once and for all if there is hope of finding a middle ground.
"It depends how your partner responds," warns Sigal. "If your partner says, 'Oh I didn't know. Nobody has ever wanted it. I could do that' -- great. But if your partner says, 'Well, what's wrong with you? You're too needy' and starts to name-call in response, then you may have a relational problem rather than a personal problem."
Don't Take it Personally
This one may be easier said than done for some. If you're forced to wrap your loving arms around your quilt and prop your head on a pillow (as oppose to your lover's chest), you may fall into the trap of thinking, "Um, what's wrong with me?" But it's important to remember it's not always about you. And understanding why your partner isn't down for a sticky post-coital snuggle is a great start to grasping that concept. Plus, if you ask the question, who knows, you may be pleasantly surprised by the answer.
"Some people just feel so fulfilled by the experience," says Sigal. "They're done. They don't need more. They're filled up. So in some ways, it's a really good thing, right?"
Factor In the Rest of the Relationship
OK, he/she doesn't like an après-sex cooing session. If they show you great signs of affection in other areas of your relationship, what does it matter? So, for example, if your non-spooner clears the dishes without asking, sends just-because flowers and offers a shoulder to cry on when you need it, you might have yourself a keeper.
"[Look at] what else is going on inside the relationship outside the bedroom," suggests Sigal. "Is this a theme? Are you saying well, 'He or she is never really there for me and I never feel reassured?' Or is it a case of everything else is great -- and this [no spooning thing] is the only thing that feels like a loss. In which case, it's really not indicative of a pattern and you can put it into perspective."