It's a Family Affair

I have been separated from my husband for a year, and my sister left my brother-in-law three months ago. Recently I went over to my brother-in-law's house for a niece's birthday party and he asked me out for a coffee and dinner the following week. He wants a relationship. Should I say yes and have this relationship, and betray my sister? HELP.

-- Maria

Kelly Says:

Let me think about this one... Hmm... Well... Ahhh... Maria, are you SERIOUS?! This sounds so Jerry Springer. I find it terribly sad that you'd consider jeopardizing your relationship with your own sister just for a little attention from a man. You said that "he wants a relationship." That's all very fine and dandy, but why is there no mention of what your feelings are for him? Obviously the most important thing in this whole scenario for you is that someone is paying attention to you (not that you met this man and it was love at first sight and you just can't imagine life without him in it). I get that. It feels good to be wanted. But consider what's at stake (your relationship with your family), and also what his motives are. Is it possible he's just trying to hurt your sis by getting it on with you? Take your dignity and your self-respect and make like Oprah instead.

Brent Says:

Should you betray your sister for a man? Well, it depends if you want to have an estranged sister. Oh, and wouldn't it be great for your niece to have an aunt and stepmother all rolled into one? I'm sure it will make life easy for your parents and siblings. They won't get caught up in the feud between you and your sister that turns your family into an emotional basket case. Am I being harsh? You're right, you've waited a whole three months to move in on the man your sister married and had children with. Seriously Maria, you must know in your heart of hearts this is wrong. You used the word "betray" for a reason. This is a situation to take the high road. There are plenty of men out there but you only have one family.

Need to Kink Up my Sex Life

Myself and my partner have had an active sex life since we met six months ago. Things have been great and I am 100% comfortable with him. He recently asked me to spice things up a little and do new things. He then said, "the dirtier the better!" I am quite experienced and we have done the "normal stuff" -- bondage, anal, role play, sex in public etc -- but I don't know what else to do! I have tried to find websites with fetishes and new ideas, but I am at a loss! Any ideas that I can introduce or do to keep him happy?

-- Sarah

Brent Says:

I like that the "normal stuff" in your relationship is "bondage, anal, role play, sex in public, etc." Do you know that most guys reading this are wondering how they can meet a girl like you? I'd hardly call your sexual practices vanilla. I guess my concern is that you are asking how you can keep him happy. Sex is a two-way street. You should be talking about it together and coming up with new ways to please each other. If he's looking for the excitement of you taking control and doing something dirty to you, then take turns thinking up new ways to get dirty. But it's hardly fair for the onus to be solely on you. As for ideas, there are lots of sex manuals in the bookstore. Just browse through and find one that speaks to your proclivities.

Kelly Says:

The onus should not be on you to "keep him happy." If he wants to dabble in "dirtier" play, let him know that you're open to new ideas and that it is he who should make suggestions (in words or gestures). It's possible that he has something in particular in mind but doesn't have the balls to suggest it to you, hoping that you'll miraculously stumble upon the concept yourself or read his mind. I dunno... bringing in a third for a threesome, making your own porn flick, using a strap-on on him, fisting, peeing on each other, letting him watch as you have sex with some other guy. Sarah, you've experimented more in your six months together than most couples do in six decades, so I hope you don't feel like you've somehow let him down by being a lame-o in the sack. More importantly, I hope all those sessions you've already shared with him were as pleasurable for you as they were for him.