Edward C., a retired manager for a major technology company, moved his family no less than half a dozen times to far reaches of the globe during their (still going strong) marriage. Luckily he and his wife were both from a small town and welcomed the work-oriented opportunity to see the globe. But if one of them had deep roots, then their relationship likely would have been upended during all those moves. 

 

Thomas K., who has four kids, two dogs and a mini-van, says that at one time "I actually didn't want kids." His wife however, decided when they'd get married, where they'd live, how many kids they'd have, and probably a few other key (unmentionable) decisions as well. He doesn't call her "the boss" without reason… And yet this style of marriage works for them. His life is considerably different than he thought it might be, and often (but forcibly not too often) he pines for the D.I.N.K.s (an acronym for double income, no kids) lifestyle of lots of gadgets and vacations and dinners-out and full nights of sleep, etc... 

 

When you're hot on the dating scene or the relationship is kindling nicely, the 'mental list' in your head of 'he/she must-haves' is very different than the 'are they the one' list. 

 

'He snores' is no comparison to 'He wants to move to a remote city in the eastern Shan state in Thailand.' 

 

'She Tivo's Jerry Springer' is passable compared to 'She has the six kids' names picked out already'.

 

It is impossible (I repeat, impossible) to tiptoe around these five key items if you expect your relationship to bloom to its full potential. After all, you don't want to add your name to the negative side of the 50 per cent line, do you? 

 

 

When you're dating, you can clearly see if your beau is work obsessed but when you ask, "Do you think you'll always work this much or do you plan to slow down eventually?" you'll get to the truth of the matter.

 

It's obvious when she gushes and fawns over nieces and nephews, but when you ask, "Do you ever see yourself having kids?" you'll get to the truth of the matter.

 

Did you also notice how those questions weren't direct challenges with a leading answer? "When are you going to stop working so much?" directs the question in a way you might want it answered. They'll feel trapped and the conversation won't be as honest (or as calm).

 

It's no secret that communication is essential in any sort of relationship, and these five key topics are the lifeblood of your commitment, flowing directly into the heart of "We need to talk." 

 

And of course, keep in mind that a relationship is a living thing. Even though you've talked it over once, things can always change…