March Madness

Originally a term used to describe the 'nothing-but-basketball-on-the-brain' mentality that overtakes even the most casual sports fan during the U.S. college basketball championships. Suffering from dating-and-relationship March Madness entails having sex on your mind at all times.

Learning the Playbook

Defines the sometimes awkward early period of a relationship where a partner is discovering the sexual likes and dislikes of the other partner. Once both partners learn the playbook, they are intimately in sync with each other. Typically, winning teams make changes to their playbooks over time in order to keep things unconventional.

Dusty Finish

Named after professional wrestler Dusty Rhodes, the original Dusty Finish refers to a specific scripted ending to a wrestling match. However, much to Dusty's chagrin, the Dusty Finish has come to mean the inability of a man or woman to achieve orgasm. "I was really turned on at first, but I got bored and it was a Dusty finish... We need to create a few new options for the playbook."

Franchise Player

There are good players and then there are Franchise Players. They are often referred to as The One. They excel in all situations and are the type of player that should be immediately signed to a long-term, if not lifetime contract.

Utility Player

The utility player is someone who is called upon solely for sexual gratification. It is understood that the utility player does not possess the attributes to be a good boyfriend and is not even necessarily a great lover. Their one saving grace: they're available. They are very useful for short periods of time when key players are, for whatever reason, unable to perform. "Dave will never be a franchise player, but he's a very serviceable utility player."

Zone Defence

When using a Zone Defence, a woman allows the man to touch only previously specified areas of her body... other areas will be guarded fiercely.

Do you use any other interesting sports analogies to describe your sex or dating life? Let us know about them and they just might make the highlight reel.