But what if 2009 really was different? What if the change we sought happened not on a superficial level but deep within us, touching every aspect of our selves up to and including how we approach relationships?

 

The short answer is: it'd be great. And increasingly, many outwardly sane people are piping up to claim that Kabbalah, the 4,000-year-old "living wisdom" intended for everyone, regardless of religion or ethnicity, that also happens to recognize the existence of soul mates (!) while advocating marriage (!!) is the magic bullet.

 

The testimonials of celebrities such as Madonna and Demi Moore have immeasurably raised Kabbalah's profile. Indeed, Kabbalah's claim to superstar endorsement stretches back to ancient Greece. Moreover, its secular basis makes it accessible to both the faithful and the faithless.

 

In the spirit of self-improvement (and, like, total curiosity) we sought Kabbalah 101 Dating Tips from affable Boston-based senior Kabbalah teacher Abe Hardoon.

 

In a wide-ranging interview, he reveals, among other things, why women are (or should be) the managers in relationships, why those seeking wives are doing themselves a disservice by accumulating girlfriends, and why your grandma's advice was probably right on the money.

 

Lavalife: If you had to explain Kabbalah as an elevator pitch, how would you do it?

 

Abe Hardoon: It's an ancient wisdom that's been around in written form for at least 4,000 years and it's a core wisdom of many if not most other spiritual teachings including Eastern teachings like Buddhism. It explains how all the energetic forces in the universe operate, which includes humans and our psyche, life, death, the nature of the universe and beyond. There is not a question you can ask about anything that cannot be answered in the knowledge of Kabbalah.

 

Even though it is most often associated with Jews, in fact the Israelites were merely given the responsibility a couple of thousand years ago to watch over, take care of and disseminate the wisdom of Kabbalah to the masses.

 

LL: Is it possible for people to cherry-pick the wisdom of Kabbalah -- say, the parts that concern human relationships -- without becoming totally immersed in it?

 

AH: Yes. Since Kabbalah explains human consciousness, it also explains the sub-headings of male consciousness and female consciousness. Everyone knows books like Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus but Kabbalah helps explain where those differences originated. Are there innate energetic differences between men and women? Yes, unequivocally. Men are not women and women are not men. One of the key reasons relationships fail is that men treat women as if they were men and vice versa. Each has to understand how to deal with the energy of the other.

 

LL: Is there anything that Kabbalah teaches about relationships that people would find surprising?

 

AH: Kabbalah would describe a soul as not male or female but both male and female, containing both aspects. And Kabbalah text teaches that when a soul comes to this world, it's divided. It's not limited by time or space… therefore there really is a concept of [the existence of] soul mates, even though there is probably too much emphasis on this idea. But it certainly does exist.

 

The difference in how the male and the female operate energetically is -- and it's going to sound bad but bear with me -- men are channelers and their energy is like a pipe. Anatomically, men are shaped like a pipe. That's their structure. Females, on the other hand, are manifestors, the ones who can reflect back. They are vessels. And same thing: anatomically, women are shaped like vessels. So the concept of yin and yang is male and female energy. So what does all this mean? It means the woman must be the energy manager in a relationship. 

 

LL: So how exactly do women manage that energy?

 

AH: A wise woman will allow the male to feel that he is the creator in the relationship because men need to feel that they are creating. Men are hunters. It's like the old analogy of a man and a woman driving in a car and being lost. She suggests stopping to ask for directions but he refuses. Why? Because he needs to feel that he did it on his own. That's the nature of his energy.

 

LL: Celebrity endorsement of Kabbalah has brought a lot of attention to the teachings. From a credibility standpoint, is that a double-edge sword?

 

AH: People come to us from all walks of life -- the entertainment industry, the political and business worlds. And many of the great minds of history -- Plato, Nostradamus, Socrates -- were versed in the Kabbalah. Celebrities who come to the center or any of the Kabbalah Centers around the world are students and are treated as such. Whatever… we teach not to judge and we don't judge anyone else.