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Dating By the Rules of Poker
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Love is a many-splendored thing. A song your heart sings. And, rosy Hallmark-card clichés aside, it's a total gamble.


You don't ever know how it's going to turn out -- you could win your heart's desire, or wind up broke, alone and kicking yourself for playing in the first place.
 

If love is a gamble, then it follows that dating is a game. It requires lots of skills, it has a million nuances, and the stakes can get sky-high. You play with your head as well as your heart. Come to think of it, it's a lot like high-stakes poker. And many of the rules of poker can apply.

 

With input from a couple poker pros (female ones, 'cause they understand your sensitive side), we've comprised some ground rules to keep in mind when you're across the table from the next potential Mr. or Mrs. Right.

 

Get in the Game at the Right Time

 

If you've just busted out of a big tournament, you don't want to immediately jump into another big-money game.

 

"Your mindset isn't right, and there's a bad, negative aura," explains Lynette Chan of Team Full Tilt. Poker players call this negative mindset being "on tilt," and they know it's one of the quickest ways to dig yourself an even bigger hole.

 

How this translates: Say you just had a nasty breakup. You're at an emotional low [fixing relationships takes a lot of energy, especially when it doesn't work], you're tired, and you're vulnerable. It's not a good time to jump into a new relationship. And though you think a casual fling might boost your self-esteem, it usually has the opposite effect.

 

But what about the flip side?

 

"If you're coming off a big win, you need time to collect yourself and your thoughts, so you don't get too aggressive and start to think you're God," says Vanessa Rousso, 22-year-old PokerStars pro.

 

Likewise, if you just got promoted to your dream job, or you're getting ready to go on that once-in-a-lifetime vacation around the world, now might not be the best time to get into a relationship. How can you focus on anyone else when you're so completely wrapped up in your own awesomeness?

 

Remember, potential relationships -- just like poker games -- are everywhere, every day.

 

"The casino's open 24/7-- there's always a game going," says Chan. "I like to wait till I'm in my comfort zone"

 

When dating, you don't always need to be in on the action. Wait for the right situation, focus 100 per cent on the table in front of you, and bring all your intuition, clear vision and common sense into the game.

 

Pick the Right Game

 

In poker, it's very important to play for stakes that you can afford, and to pick a game that you're good at. Likewise with relationships. Study the situation, and be honest with yourself about whether you're going to be able to handle it.

 

Imagine this scenario: You're really, really into somebody. But they say, "Sorry, I only see you as a friend." You cringe on the inside -- but then you say, "Cool, that's how I see you too." You're hoping you can change their mind.

 

Maybe you can. Maybe you can't. Can you afford to find out?

 

"If you pick a limit that's too high for you, you might get lucky, and be able to stay in that game," says Chan. "But if you run average, you won't be able handle the swing -- the ups and downs of the game. So if you feel like gambling, go ahead. If you win, great. If you lose, you'll lose your whole bankroll."

 

What if you're on the other side? You're not ready to get married, but you're really hot for someone. You're betting you can get what you want from the relationship, but still keep things light -- and keep the other person at arm's length.

 

Are you ready for them to show up at your doorstep crying at midnight...when you're all snuggled up in bed with your other casual fling?

 

If you're used to playing Limit Hold 'em and you get in a No Limit game, you're at a disadvantage, even when the stakes are low. And, adds Chan, you probably won't get the returns you want.

 

In love, it's better all around if everyone picks the right game for themselves. Maybe you want to keep it light and fun, and not risk losing a lot. Maybe you're ready to play no limit, and put everything at stake. Whatever it is, choose your field wisely, and make sure it's the one most likely to provide a winning outcome.



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