There's a new book out called How to Set His Thighs On Fire by Kate White, editor of Cosmopolitan. In it, she lists nine topics that "make guys gag."
That got us thinking. Could this really be all? Could it really be true? Are there actually women out there in the world still regaling their boyfriends with stories of menstrual cramps and ex-boyfriends who are professional wrestlers?
Sadly, the answer is yes. After talking with a number of men we learned that not only are women still gabbing endlessly about the nine topics listed in How to Set His Thighs On Fire; they've actually expanded the dreaded list to include more. Lots more.
Here are the topics White says guys wish women would just shut up about:
1. Celebrity Gossip
White says, "Men don't give a damn about Jen, Brad, Angelina, Reese, Britney, Leo, Tom, Kate, Jessica or anyone else in Hollywood, no matter how big a scandal has just erupted in their lives." She says, "In fact, a man is likely to be suspicious of why you care so much."
2. Catty Gossip About your Friends
According to White, "It makes them seriously question what kind of friend you are."
White says, "This includes any talk about cute shoes, shoes you gotta have, shoes that cost half your paycheck, shoes you didn't buy but should have, shoes that kill your feet, and shoes that other women are wearing."
4. Your "Fatness" or Dieting Plans
Men don't want to hear the calorie count of your lunch, or be the judge of whether or not those Capri pants make your butt look as big as Mile High Stadium.
5. Anything Involving Below-the-Belt Functions or Problems
White says, "That would include bloating, cramps, menstrual flow, yeast infections, discharge, itchiness, soreness and yes, gas."
6. People You Know only Peripherally
Like the woman in your department with the 59 ferrets. White says, "Guys want to move the ball down the field." When you're talking about someone he doesn't know, who has no real effect on his life or your life, "In his view, no progress was made from the conversation."
7. Old Boyfriends
This includes just casual references, White says, "like a rock-climbing excursion you went on together or what kind of car he owned."
Dave Nemeth, co-host of the Daytime TV show says, "Our minds run away with us. We imagine all kinds of horrible scenarios, just from that one tiny detail." Without exception, every single man we surveyed said talk "old boyfriends" should be verboten. Every single one.
8. The State of Your Union
Guys fear the "We have to talk" talk like grim death.
9. What the Two of You are Experiencing Right Now
According to White, "Women love to capture the moment with words. We'll make remarks like, 'I'm so happy right now, aren't you?' or 'Isn't this music great?'" Guys want to experience the moment, not hear about it. Unless it's coming from Bob Costas, they aren't interested in a play-by-play.
And there's more. The guys we spoke to (with tongue firmly planted in cheek, presumably - Ed) asked us to add the following topics to the do-not-talk-about-under-any-circumstances list:
10. Your True Number of Sex Partners: The correct answer is, "Not enough to need to keep count." This is a slippery slope, ladies. It's best to adopt a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.
11. The MMF Threesome you Had in College. And Videotaped. And Posted on the Web: He'll either be jealous as hell, or he'll want you to go for a repeat with him as the minority sex. Either way, he'll never be able to get it out of his head.
12. Anything Negative about his Best Friends or his Mother: He's a total pig? She meddles too much? Keep it to yourself. Comments about your guy's inner circle feel like a direct hit. Don't try to make him choose between you and the people he loves. It won't work. And, it feels disloyal to him to even listen.
13. Asking, "Are you in?": Not exactly the confidence-boosting acclaim he's hoping for. Just wait a minute and figure out the answer yourself. If you have to ask, you don't want to know.
14. Minute Details of your Encounters with your Gay Friends: A limbic part of him is fearful your gay buddy will suddenly see the light and steal you away. Stupid, but true.
Dating Expert Lisa Daily is the author of Stop Getting Dumped!