The Affair

You're an idiot. You cheated. It happens. But now you've come to your senses. You realize how much the original significant other means to you and now you have to get rid of the other other. This is as bad as it gets.

You may or may not want to confess to your partner. You may not have a choice. But start by telling the other person you can't do it anymore, explaining that it's not them -- it's you. This is one of the few situations in which it's OK not to break the news in person. You can do it by email. Get to the point, kindly. Then CUT IT OFF. Don't call to see how they're doing. Don't email. Don't text. Don't open up any opportunities to fall back into each other's arms. People do that all the time. It's ridiculous. Get some bloody self control and stop being such a weakling. You'd be amazed at how quickly these things fizzle out when there is no contact. If it's someone you know and will see socially or at work you might have to rearrange your life a little.

If you're lucky, all you have to do from there is start working on your original relationship and stop being such a douchebag/ette in future. If you're not lucky, the other person will chase and harass you. Don't convince yourself you're the victim. You're not. You're the perpetrator. If it gets to the point where your partner might find out, the decision of whether to tell or not could be taken out of your hands. It's better for you to confess than for them to find out from an outside source -- an outside source holding a pair of your underwear and a pile of love letters. Also, if the outside sex you were having wasn't completely safe -- and is there truly any such thing as totally safe sex? -- it's your duty to tell.

Again, if you're lucky, you'll be forgiven and offered the chance to redeem yourself. If you're not, everything you've only recently discovered you love will be taken from you. Them's the breaks, kid.

And remember that if you don't tell, you could find yourself worrying for the rest of your life that it will come out.

"I had an affair eight years ago," says Jason, 34, "and I never fessed up. I still worry that she'll find out somehow. I wish I told her back then. I can't tell her now."

It really is that simple. People love the passion, intrigue and drama of affairs and love to treat them like they're incredibly complicated. They're not complicated. Just dumb. But that doesn't always stop us.