"It's like women could smell me from miles away," confessed the 38-year-old single social worker.

 

"I was really lonely and wanted a relationship in the worst way. Within minutes of meeting someone, if the conversation was going well – which basically means, they said hello -- and even sometimes when it wasn't -- I'd be asking them to dinner and a movie."

 

Norman was rebuffed so many times that upon the odd occasion when someone did accept his invitation, he showed his appreciation with overcompensation -- bringing lavish gifts and peppering them with ideas for future dates.

 

"I was pretty overbearing," says Norman. "The date would end with those inevitable words 'I just want to be friends.' My calls would never get returned and I'd never hear from them again."

 

Evan Marc Katz, a Los Angeles-based dating coach and author of the books Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not To Get Mad and I Can't Believe I'm Buying This Book: A Commonsense Guide To Successful Internet Dating, isn't surprised.

 

"Desperation doesn't play," he says. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it."

 

Katz says a common trait for hopeful romantics is to elevate the stature of their date to a level of immediate disadvantage.

 

"I call it the Pedestal Principle," Katz explains. "Once you put someone up on a pedestal, they're immediately looking down on you. And, when we're feeling insecure about ourselves and we're really jazzed about someone, we treat him or her like God's gift without even really knowing them.

 

"Nobody really responds to that. They say, 'Whoa. Slow down. I don't even know you. Why are you trying so hard?'"

 

After a few years of serial rejection, Norman came to a similar conclusion and decided to change his tact: He stopped trying.

 

"I needed to regroup and shift my focus," said Norman. "I realized I was projecting a lot of my insecurities and inadequacies -- and who wants to inherit that baggage, especially on a first date?

 

"I decided to shut up for awhile, step back and observe how other guys did it. So I went solo to a few different sports bars -- and it was a revelation!"

 

Norman observed that many single men were comfortable in their own skin, and that confidence parlayed itself into friendly and informal pressure-free conversations with attractive women.

 

"Sometimes those conversations went nowhere," said Norman. "And sometimes they ended in invitations for either a future get together or an overnight hookup.

 

"But they all told me the same thing: to relax a bit and let things happen naturally. It's like a light bulb went off in my head."

 

As a result, Norman decided to take himself out of circulation for a while -- a tactic dating author Katz doesn't necessarily recommend.