Lisa, 26

www.socialitelife.com

How can I make my sex tape Oscar-worthy?
I don't know that you can do anything to shock people anymore. At this point, it's really important to try and really capture the essence of your particular sex act.

How can I pick up a gossip blogger?
Free drinks and a gift bag. My pants are already off by the time the gift bag appears.

I'm really attracted to the guy I just started dating, except for one thing: he's got a hairy back. Is it within bounds to ask him to do something about this even at this early stage in the relationship?
Subtlety is the way to go here. You don't want to risk hurting feelings, unless you don't really care about him, in which case I'd say, "Fix this or I think I might puke next time you disrobe."

When my partner and I have sex for a long time, the lube gets tacky and gross. How can we fix this mid-coitus?
Keep the lube nearby so you can grab it and reapply.

My boyfriend doesn't know I've never had an orgasm with him. Should I keep faking?
If you're faking, you're not comfortable being honest with him. Don't force yourself to say something until you're ready, but at some point, you should probably tell him.

After giving a blowjob, is it impolite to spit it out?
No, just be careful where you aim.

What's the best way to end a long-term relationship?
Three words: witness-protection program.

Carrie, 34

celebritysmack.blogspot.com

My boyfriend doesn't know I've never had an orgasm with him. Should I keep faking?
Unless you want to live a deprived sex life, no. You just need some props. Get a vibrator, a porno and a cocktail and I'm pretty sure you'll have an orgasm.

I'm thinking about dating an intern where I work. Bad idea?
Great idea, if you want to be the one paying for movies, dinners and transportation.

I'm really attracted to the guy I just started dating, except for one thing: he's got a hairy back. Is it within bounds to ask him to do something about this even at this early stage in the relationship?
Hell yes, you have a right! Suggest the two of you get waxed together or -- less painful -- have a naked Nair party.

I'm drunk and in a bar. How can I prevent myself from picking up someone hideous?
Take a red Sharpee and dot your genitals before you go out that night.

How can I get into a star-studded formal event?
Hide in Paris Hilton's massive slingback.

Jenny, 30

www.idontlikeyouinthatway.com

When my partner and I have sex for a long time, the lube gets tacky and gross. How can we prevent this?
As Jenna Jameson will tell you, never use lube. Use spit. No matter what kind of lube you use, no matter what the bottle says, it eventually gets sticky. Lube should always be a last resort. But a mid-coitus sticky-lube fix is a quick shower to wash off the old stuff and start fresh.

How can I make sure my sex tape is Internet-ready?
Edit out all of the boring conversation crap. Cut right to the sex, shave your butt (and crack, Britney) and plug your website at some point, preferably during the money shot.

What's the best way to get it on at a star-studded formal event?
Wear a huge Gone with the Wind-style dress with no underwear, and you can do it pretty much anywhere.

What celebrity would have to pay you to have sex with them?
Colin Farrell, because it would turn me on for him to treat me like a whore.

What's the best way to end a long-term relationship?
Stop having sex with them and let them catch you masturbating constantly. Try to be as unattractive as possible -- start listening to John Tesh, fart in public more often, etc. Then convince them you're holding them back, they're too good for you and they can do better.

I'm really attracted to the guy I just started dating, except for one thing: he's got a hairy back. Is it within bounds to ask him to do something about this even at this early stage in the relationship?
Don't ever go into a relationship with someone expecting to change them. You take them as is. Back and chest stubble sucks, by the way. And it chafes. Unless they get laser hair removal, it's better to have hair.

My boyfriend doesn't know I've never had an orgasm with him. Should I keep faking?
Don't pretend you're getting off when you're not. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to you. You need orgasms, too. Be honest with him. Guys enjoy giving women orgasms. Discovering how to get you off by experimenting is fun. Lack of honesty is a relationship killer. That, and tattooing their name somewhere on your body.

Michael K, 37

www.dlisted.com

How can I pick up a gossip blogger?
I'm such a whore, just look at me for longer than three seconds.

What's the best way to defuse a nasty sex rumor like, "He can't get it up?"
Deny, and then deny more, and then check yourself into rehab and blame it on your alcohol addiction.

Where's the best place to get it on at a star-studded formal event?
Under the buffet table. Those skinny skanks don't eat.

I'm drunk and in a bar. How can I prevent myself from picking up someone hideous?
Ask a friend to be a designated hag blocker, meaning your friend stays sober and makes sure that the piece you take home isn't totally unfortunate.

What celebrity would have to pay you to have sex with them?
Paris Hilton, and she'd not only have to pay me, she'd have to cover all my medical expenses.

© 2006 Jocelyn Guest and Nerve.com