…or at least girls we've chased for a few weeks:

Don't let the girl you've just met borrow your father's car so she can just go and pick up her "antihistamines," after she's just quaffed half a bottle of Jack Daniel's.

Anything you say during the relationship can and will be used against you when things get ugly, possibly in a court of law. So for God's sake, don't tell her about your illegal chinchilla farm.

Girls who manage rock 'n' roll bands will have no trouble handling you.

Don't sign your organs away on your driver's license. If you do and you're in an accident the hospital will let you die so they can harvest your innards. (Heard from not one but two exes.)

No matter how great you may be, you can still be replaced by a small, yappie, unpleasant-smelling animal. Or a professional curler.

 

Don't admit you've always wanted to live the rock 'n' roll lifestyle a la Mötley Crüe when she's already looking for reasons to dump you.